


Amethyst

by RydiaAsuka



Category: Gundam SEED, Gundam SEED Destiny
Genre: Angst, Blindness, Disability, F/M, Friendship, Recovery, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2018-04-01 18:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4030114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RydiaAsuka/pseuds/RydiaAsuka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his mission to kill Durandal takes an unexpected turn, Kira is left to pick up the pieces of his seemingly shattered life. Despite his determination to not let the loss of his vision affect him, he will find that he has a long, hard road to walk...in the dark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> My second attempt at Gundam SEED fic, this baby was brought to life for a number of reasons. Mostly, I just wanted to read a good disability fic, something I have not been able to find. So, I'm writing one instead.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam. All affiliated characters, settings, and ideas are the property of Bandai and Sunrise Studios. No copyright infringement is intended; no profit is being made.

Amethyst: Noun. A semiprecious form of purple quartz. Soldiers carried them onto the battlefield in the belief they protected the bearer from harm and enhanced healing.  


~  


"Kira! Where's Kira? Meyrin!"

"His last co-ordinates had him heading towards Messiah. I lost his signal when he got too close. I think there's interference."

"I'm going to look. Let the Archangel know."

"I will. Be careful, Athrun."

"You too. And Meyrin? I'm sending you a set of co-ordinates. You'll...find Luna and Shinn there."

"Luna? Is she okay?"

"She should be. I'll be back soon."

~

The Justice landed heavily alongside the blessedly mostly-undamaged Freedom. Launching himself from the cockpit, Athrun pushed himself towards the floor and allowed the minimal gravity to pull him down. His feet touched the floor lightly, and Athrun winced slightly as an explosion rocked the base, sending down a shower of rubble not far from him. Left hand over his mouth, shielding it from the dust, he drew his gun with the right and sprinted off down the hall on silent feet.

Numerous hallways split off from the main one he was on, but Athrun didn't waver from his path. If Kira was here, which he was, he would be here for the chairman. Athrun had never been to this base before, but Durandal had always liked extravagant appearances, and the wide path all but screamed at him as leading to something important.

He was not wrong.

The pathway opened up into a large room, broken computers scattered about the floor and walls. Another shudder sent a monitor crashing down not far from where...Durandal stood, pointing a gun at Kira. Directly in front of Athrun, Captain Gladys had a gun at Kira's back. Hefting his own gun, Athrun was just opening his mouth, intent on making his presence known, when a gun went off.

He jumped, a sharp intake of breath the only sound to escape him as he watched the chairman of the PLANTs crumble to the floor, a bullet through his chest. Athrun's gaze immediately swept to the source of the sound, and what he saw left him speechless.

"Rey..."

"...I..."

"Kira!"

"Athrun?"

Grabbing his friend's arm, Athrun tugged at it. "This base is going down. We have to get out of here. Captain, Rey, you have to come, too!"

"My place is here, Athrun, watching over his soul." Brows furrowed, Athrun watched as she knelt beside her fallen leader, cradling his head in her lap. "Though I have no right, I do have a favour to ask. I have...a son. Please, ask Captain Ramius...to visit him sometime."

Athrun stared, brow furrowed. He honestly had not known that. That detail was hardly important now, however. What was more important was...

"I wi--"

"No!" he interjected harshly. "Listen to yourself! You're going to leave your son to live without his mother, and for what? To die with...!" He trailed off, words escaping him. Thankfully, Kira was there. Kira, who always seemed to know what to say. Sometimes a frustrating trait, but right now, he was glad.

"Athrun's right. Think about what you're doing. Do you want your son to grow up without a mother? Does he deserve that solely so you can—what? So you can die here? Is that really what you think is best?"

"I..."

"Captain Gladys," Athrun chimed in again, "don't put him through that. It's not fair, not to you and less so to him."

"T-Talia...go."

They all looked surprised by Durandal's interjection, but after a moment, Kira nodded. His friend's face was unreadable, but Athrun had a decent idea what he was thinking. For the moment, he simply motioned. "Come on. We have to go. Rey, you come too."

"I-I...shouldn't..."

"Remember what we talked about?" Athrun was surprised, but he did not say anything, leaving the matter of the shaken young man to Kira. "How you came into the world doesn't matter; you aren't defined by your genes. You're defined by who you are. Is this _really_ how you want to go out?"

"Rey...come on."

"Gil..."

"Rey. Go. Keep...our d-dream..." Durandal had to know Rey was not thinking along those lines any longer, but, much to Athrun's relief, nobody said anything in response to his words.

"Gilbert..."

"Go, Ta...lia. Take...my love..."

Taking a few steps forward, Athrun grasped her arm, just as another, bigger, quake rocked the base. Grip tightening, he tugged her along. Kira took Rey's arm, and with one look back, they all ran. Behind them, a crash sounded, and Gladys looked back; a choked sob escaped her. Athrun did not allow himself to look, because they had more important matters to attend to.

He tightened his grip and sped up.

"You shouldn't have come after me."

"You're too reckless, Kira. Some has to watch your back."

"Look who's talking."

Despite the situation, they shared a quick, if grim, smile. Talia and Rey were silent, save the odd sob escaping Rey, and the enormity of the situation quickly settled back in. Athrun's face fell, and he sped along in silence.

The mobile suits quickly came into view, and Athrun grasped the wire he had sent down behind him when leaving the suit. To his right, Kira was doing the same, urging the distraught Rey on.

Wrapping his arms around the captain, Athrun cleared his throat awkwardly. "Uh...sorry. We just..."

"I understand, Athrun. There's nothing else to be done. We need to hurry." He was relieved at her understanding, and that she seemed to be composing herself.

They had ascended nearly half way when another crash rocked the base, this one sending down a veritable shower of rocks and rubble. A scream sounded to the right, followed by a massive, almost deafening, crash. Athrun's eyes flew to the Freedom.

A cloud of dust blocked most of his line of sight, but Athrun did not wait for it to settle. He wasted no time in releasing the wire and jumping off, back to the floor.

"Athrun!"

He ignored the cry. Unhooking his helmet from his belt, he pulled it on, letting the oxygen in the suit supplement him as he ran into the dust cloud. "Kira? Rey? Kira!

The sight that met his eyes nearly stopped his heart. Stopping dead, dumbfounded, he could only stare.

The rocking had been hard enough to unbalance the Freedom. Kira had left the suit on one knee, as he often did, and the disruption had pushed a shower of rubble down onto the suit, hitting it back. It had bent at the waist, sending the chest forward onto the propped-up leg.  
Rey and Kira had been ascending to the chest.

As his vision cleared, he became painfully aware of a stream of blood pouring down the Freedom's leg. He could barely register it, however, as his eyes were glued to the prone figure lying in a pool of blood and rubble not three metres from him. This figure wore an Orb flight suit.

"Kira? _Kira_!!" he shrieked, running over. His friend was lying face down, his right arm contorted at an unnatural angle behind his back. Blood pooled around his face, and Athrun felt a lump rise in his throat at even the thought of what he might find. He didn't hesitate, regardless. Dropping to one knee, he cautiously checked Kira over for any major sources of bleeding. A few scrapes, tears in his suit that leaked blood, both nothing quite so bad as the pool he was laying in.

Sucking in a deep breath, Athrun cautiously turned him over. His heart leapt into his throat. The visor on Kira's flight suit had smashed, driving the glass into his face. In the dim lighting, it was hard to assess the damage, but...it did not look good. In fact, it was downright nauseating to look at.

"Is he breathing?"

"I think—yes," he confirmed, trying to hide his surprise at Gladys' sudden presence behind him. There was mist forming on the cracked glass still covering his mouth.

"Good, where's Rey?"

That gave him pause. His mind finally registered the other half of the scene, and with a wince, he looked towards the Freedom. Her gaze followed his, and she gasped sharply, hand flying up to cover her mouth.

"Rey..."

"Dammit," Athrun hissed, crushing his grief and fear. Scooping Kira up, he cradled his friend awkwardly. "We have to go. Now!"

"Athrun..."

"Get to the Justice! Hurry!" It looked like the hatch on the Freedom had been crushed, so they would all have to squeeze into the machine together. It would be tight, but he refused to leave anyone behind.

"Take a moment."

"We don't have—!"

"You're panicking. Take a deep breath and calm down. He's alive. Collect yourself, then follow me up."

They had been walking while they talked, stopping only when they reached the Justice's feet. Captain Gladys quickly mounted the wire, ascending while Athrun tried to calm himself. He had not even realised how shaken he was until this moment. He had thought—! For an instant, he had thought Kira was dead. Dammit, he might still die! Shifting his grip, he closed his eyes and prayed.

It was only minutes later, though it felt like years, that they were flying away from the crumbling base. Gladys had Kira cradled against her, awkwardly kneeling behind his seat as Athrun flew them back to the fleet. Behind him, he towed the Freedom, the machine banged up and...well, Athrun did not want to think about the rest.

He swore. How could they screw up this badly? Rey was gone, Kira was...

"—stice. Come in, Athrun!"

"Meyrin!"

The feed popped up, and he both heard and saw her gasp, eyes widening. "Cap— _Kira_! Is he okay? Athrun!"

"Tell the medics on the Archangel to stand by, Meyrin. That's where I'm taking him. And tell...tell Lacus to meet us there. I don't know..."

He trailed off, ending the feed before he found himself forced to face Lacus. He did not think he was collected enough for that right now. Right now, he needed all of his focus for the task at hand.

It was not to last. Within minutes, a second feed popped up, this one from the Archangel.

"Athrun, where's Kira? What happened?" Miriallia demanded, her eyes widening slightly as she took in the scene in his cockpit.

"We're rusty on the specifics, but as far as we can tell, he was knocked down when ascending to the hatch on his mobile suit. He fell and his visor was crushed. That seems to be the worst of his injuries."

Athrun glanced over his shoulder, opening his mouth to thank Gladys. Before he could say a word, she met his gaze.

"Just fly. I have him."

Athrun did.


	2. Chapter 1

Their arrival back at the ship was a mess of activity. Kira was ushered off to sickbay, and Athrun found himself pacing the hall outside restlessly. Gladys waited with him, her arms folded and back against the wall. He had never seen her so...casual was not the right word, but nothing better came to mind, either. Truthfully, she was probably as upset and lost as he was. Maybe more so.

"You two...you really are close, aren't you?"

The words cut through the silence like a knife, and he was glad of that. His own thoughts were going to be the end of him, at this rate. Logically, he knew this was not his fault, but a part of him still... If only he had urged them faster. If they had been just a little...!

"Uh...yes," he said, shaking himself out of those thoughts. "We are."

"I'm sorry, Athrun. For everything this war asked of you. I may not agree with everything you did, but I am glad you're safe."

"I should never have left Orb," he said quietly. "I should have been there. For Cagalli, Orb, the Archangel. And for Kira and Lacus, too. That's what I regret." He knew he was rambling, but he did not care. It felt good simply to talk.

"Athrun..."

The silence settled again. Captain Ramius came by, as did most of the Archangel's crew. Once she had been seen to, Talia was led off by Captain Ramius, though to where, Athrun did not know.  
Eventually, the Eternal caught up, and Lacus joined him, her presence the greatest comfort he could hope for right now. Shinn and the Hawke sisters were with her, but, much to Athrun's surprise, they were quickly redirected to another room...where the rest of the Minerva's crew was being kept. He hadn't even realised they were aboard.

Lacus waited beside him in silence, neither having much to say. Once, Athrun opened his mouth, but Lacus quickly cut him off with a quiet, "This is not your fault. He’s our Kira. He’ll be okay," and no more was said.

It was hours before the medic emerged, looking grim. Athrun took a step forward, but Lacus caught his arm, holding him back from going further. The medic met his eyes and sighed softly.

"He's going to live, though I doubt there was any real danger there. He is Kira, after all," she said, clearly trying to lighten the mood. Not in the frame of mind for it, Athrun frowned. Even Lacus had a cool expression on her face, and the woman—Athrun had forgotten her name—sighed, continuing, "But that aside..."

~

Silence. That was the order of things aboard the Archangel. Sitting in his room, legs tucked to his chest, Athrun's thoughts were racing. How could this have happened? He had gone to help Kira, and instead—if he hadn't gone, this might not have happened!

...or, he amended, an unconscious Kira might have gone down with Messiah and died. At least this way, Kira was alive. Alive, but…

"It's okay, Athrun. He's strong. He'll be okay."

Looking up, he offered a weak, forced smile. "I know, Lacus. I just..."

They both turned when the door to his room slid open, admitting Meyrin—and Lunamaria and Shinn.

"Athrun..."

"Not now, Meyrin," he pleaded quietly.

"No, we need to talk."

One glance at Shinn, and Athrun shook his head. He knew he needed to forgive Shinn, he had already done so, but right now...trying to straighten things out between them would be too much.

He stood, heading for the door. "I'm going to wait with Kira."

Nobody said anything to stop him.

Walking into the room hurt. Miriallia was already there, sitting tiredly alongside his bed. She stood when he entered, however, and he offered a weak smile. "I can't sleep. I'll stay here, you get some rest."

"Okay. Get me if he wakes up."

Athrun nodded, taking the vacated seat. A moment later, unsurprisingly, the door opened again, admitting Lacus.

"Go ahead and lay down," he said, gesturing to the opposite bed, "if he wakes up, you'll be the first to know."

"Okay...just don't push yourself, Athrun. You need rest, too."

"I...I know, Lacus. I've just...nearly lost him so many times."

"I know. I feel the same. But we mustn't overdue it. The fighting may have ceased for now, but there is no saying if that will last. Right now, Kira needs us all to be strong for him, and for that, you must rest. I will sleep for a few hours, then wake me so you may sleep while I keep vigil."

"I...understand. I will, Lacus."

Silence settled over the room once more, and before long, Athrun felt his eyelids drooping closed.

~

"—need to get it looked at."

"I know that, Luna. I just don't..."

The voice trailed off as Athrun raised his head from the bed, blinking sleepily. He had, it seemed, dozed off. Behind him, he heard Lacus stir, a very unladylike yawn escaping her.

"Oh, Athrun! What are you...?" Lunamaria's voice trailed off as she took in the room. Awkwardly, she coughed, looking away. "I-is he okay?"

Tiredly, he ran a hand through his hair, scanning Kira's immobile body in silence. With a sigh, he shrugged and shook his head. "He hasn't...woken up yet."

"Who is he?" Shinn asked, tramping into the room. His rumpled uniform was unbuttoned, as usual, and he looked like he had just woken up. Lunamaria was more put-together, though there was a tiredness to her that could not be overlooked.

Though, he supposed, the same could be said of any of them.

"Athrun? You need some rest."

Athrun glanced back, smiling fondly at Lacus. "I’m sorry I didn’t wake you. I fell asleep. I'm fine for now."

"That's what you always say." Despite the lightness in her tone, there was an undercurrent of worry that could not be overlooked. "I can stay with him for now."

"I...appreciate your concern, Lacus, but it's...it's really okay. He was here for me when I woke up. He knew..." He knew how much Athrun had needed to see him in that moment. He knew the same would be true for Kira, now.

"I understand. I'm sure if we ask, someone will bring us breakfast."

Us. He smiled at her, more genuinely this time. It had never really been in question, whether or not she would stay with him, but he was glad to hear it nonetheless.

"So, you gonna tell us who this is?"

"Huh? Oh, it's..." He hesitated, suddenly uncertain if he really wanted to tell Shinn who Kira was. He would recognise the name by now, and he just...did not want to deal with that, now.

Lunamaria saved him from having to say more. "That's...the Freedom's pilot, isn't it? Kira, right?"

How she knew that, he had no idea, but he nodded anyway. "Yeah...it's Kira."

"The hell happened to him? Isn't he supposed to be a super pilot, or something?"

"Shinn!" Lunamaria exclaimed. "Be more sensitive!"

"Why? Why should I? It's his sanctimonious prattling that...that...turned you," he jabbed a finger at Athrun, "against us!"

"Shinn!"

Lacus stood, then, frowning slightly. "Shinn, is it?"

"Yeah, who's asking?"

Lunamaria sighed. "Haven't you figured that out yet? That's Lacus. Lacus Clyne."

"Or Orb's fake one."

"Shinn," Athrun growled through gritted teeth, "I personally assure you, this is the real Lacus Clyne. Durandal's was a fake." And thoughts of Meer stabbed through him. Calling her a fake, despite being true, hurt. She had paid for her role in Durandal’s crimes, even though she had not deserved that price. If only they could have saved her…

"Why should I believe a liar like you?"

"Don't you get it, Shinn?" Athrun demanded, standing suddenly. "He was manipulating you! He wanted a pet mobile suit pilot that would go where he said and kill whomever he pointed at. He would have said or done anything to get that. He was using me, too. But..." He had been lucky enough to have friends who would snap him out of it. Shinn...Shinn had had Rey. "But I stopped obeying, so he ordered you to kill me."

"You think I don't know that?!" Shinn exploded suddenly, his red eyes narrowed in fury. "I get it, okay! I get it! That doesn't mean you aren't a damn traitor!"

...so, it was this, was it. The fury, anger… blame. It was always easier to point the finger at someone else.

"That is quite enough." Lacus' word were spoken low, quiet, but they cut through the tense silence like a beam sword through butter. "You are aboard Orb’s flagship right now, and are granted sanctuary here out of a kindness to Meyrin and Athrun, and out of the goodness of this vessel’s captain. Please, do not test that kindness or our patience. However, I can personally assure you that there is no lack of refugees aboard our vessels at this point, and if you insist on treating the members of this crew in such a manner, I will personally oversee your transfer to another vessel.”

Athrun stared at Lacus in surprise. It was not often she resorted to such threats, but...but he could see why she did, now. Shinn was yelling at her friends, risking waking Kira, and overall making a scene aboard the vessel that had taken him in. For his part, Shinn looked even more surprised than Athrun felt. Then, his brows narrowed in anger.

"You have no right...!"

"Actually, she does," Athrun cut in. Shinn and Lunamaria had no idea what they were in right now; they had no idea about Terminal. Lacus was their figurehead, though, and if she wanted to transfer them, it would not be difficult. "Look, Shinn, nobody wants to throw you out. However, if you keep yelling like this, you're going to wake Kira up."

"Shinn, please...stop," Lunamaria pleaded.

"Luna..."

"What's really bothering you, Shinn?"

There was a pregnant pause, then the younger man sighed, his shoulders sagging. "It's Rey. They couldn't...nobody knows where he is, and I haven't been able to find the captain to ask her. I'm worried, Luna. He was fighting..." Kira, was the word that went unsaid.

"Shinn...I'm sorry," Athrun said honestly. "Kira and I...we tried to save him. He died in the...incident that did this to Kira. We tried, though. Dammit, we tried." Fist tightening, Athrun clenched his jaw.

"You...it's your fau—!"

"Ngh—"

Holding up one hand to silence Shinn, Athrun's head whipped around to the bed where Kira was laying.  


“Oh, don’t—!”  


"Shut up, Shinn!"

Thankfully, Lunamaria understood. Grabbing her friend's arm, she began dragging him towards the door. Aside from a few sputtered protests, he seemed to have enough sense not to fight her.

Dropping back down, Athrun leaned over the bed. After exchanging a look, he and Lacus both reached out, placing a hand each on Kira's unbroken one. After a moment, his finger twitched, and he shifted, groaning again as he became conscious of the pain.

"...La...cus? Ath...Athrun?"

"We're here, Kira," Lacus said softly, her hand squeezing gently. Athrun followed suit.

"We’re here, and we're fine. We're on the Archangel. Everyone is okay." Well, not everyone. But the Archangel, the Eternal, the Kusanagi...they had all made it. So many others had not, but that was for another time. "It's over."

"I...see. What..." Kira's voice was hoarse and weak, his breathing clearly laboured as he gasped for air.

"Shh, let me get you a drink."

"Allow me," Athrun said, standing and offering Lacus his seat as he moved to get a bottle of water for his friend. Between the two of them, they managed to get some water into Kira, and, after a painful coughing fit, Kira collapsed back to the pillows.

"What happened? Athrun?"

Having thought long and hard about how to field this question, Athrun took a deep breath...and hesitated anyway. There was no easy way to say this.

"There was...a collapse in the base. Something happened with the Freedom, I'm not entirely sure what, and it overbalanced. Rey was killed and you...fell. I don't know how far up you were, but I think you were lucky to survive."

Silence followed for a long moment, then Kira's good hand came up, tracing the bandages on his face. "What are my...?"

"You're right arm was snapped clean," Athrun began, wincing, "you broke two ribs, and bruised three others. A few bad scrapes, and some internal bleeding caused by the impact," he finished, looking down.

"Athrun. We both know you're leaving something out," Kira's words were slow, pained and breathy, but still clear. Athrun winced.

"You fell face first, and your visor was destroyed. Rubble pierced it, shattering your nose, and bruising one cheekbone. And..."

"I'm sorry, Kira," Lacus said quietly, her hand on his squeezing tightly, "the glass also went through your eyes. They..." her voice was choked, and a soft sniff escaped her, "they were also..."

Resting a hand on her shoulder, Athrun clarified, softly, "The glass pierced your eyes, Kira. You won't..."

"I understand," Kira said quietly, but with more composure than either he or Lacus had managed. "I should just be grateful I'm alive to go home. So many others aren't."

"Dammit, Kira," Athrun muttered, fist clenching tighter, "you're allowed to be upset."

"Athrun, I..."

"Athrun's right, Kira. It's only us in here."

Kira's next words were more choked up, the brunet's hand tightening around Lacus'. "I...I know. But...Athrun? Please don't...blame yourself."

Athrun felt his own tears start to fall, then. Kira's shoulders began to shake, and Lacus bowed her head.

"I...I won't Kira. It was an accident." That was all. An accident.

~

"Dammit. What's all that about, anyway?" Shinn demanded, stomping angrily towards the mess hall. The door opened, admitting them, and Lunamaria stepped in behind Shinn—whose temper was flared for all to see. "Why do we have to leave because he's waking up? I'm injured too, you know!"

They both knew Shinn was complaining solely to complain, so she didn't say anything. From across the hall, Meyrin greeted them with a smile and a wave. Her friend—was it Miri-something?—waved too.

"Morning, Sis! Shinn! We saved you seats."

Nodding gratefully, Lunamaria dropped into the seat next to her sister, nodding to the other girl as she did so.

"What's eating him?" the brunette asked, one eyebrow raised as she watched Shinn slump in his seat.

"He's upset because Athrun didn't have time for us."

"He totally blew us off for—!"

"His friend. His friend who's badly hurt," Lunamaria supplied with a sigh.

"He's still with Kira, huh?"

"I hope Kira's okay, Miriallia."

"He will be, Meyrin. You wouldn't believe some of the stuff I've seen him pull off."

"Yeah, well he was just waking up when we left," Lunamaria said, shrugging. "So I think he'll be okay."

Miriallia bolted upright. "Kira's awake? I have to—!" She was already running for the door, meal forgotten.

"This whole ship is crazy over him," Shinn muttered.

"I can't blame them," Meyrin said, shrugging. "Mir told me a lot of what he did during the last war. Athrun, too. They're like...best friends." She chuckled. "She told me a lot of stories, too. Get this. Miss Cagalli said that the first thing Athrun did when he woke up here, on the Archangel, was start _crying_ because Kira was alive. At least, that's what she thinks happened. She wasn't actually in the room at the time, but she said 'that's so like Athrun,' and...Shinn?"

The sudden concern in her sister's voice drew Luna's attention to Shinn. His fists were clenched, and he was breathing heavily through his nose. Concern overcame her immediately, all thoughts of Athrun crying banished.

"Shinn, what is it?"

"We just found out Rey's dead, and you...you're just sitting here, _laughing_!"

Silence fell, then, and not just over them; the entire mess hall had just...stopped, Shinn’s yells loud enough to carry into the hall. Looking down for a moment, Luna collected herself before meeting his eyes.

"Shinn, it's not...like that. It's just..."

Miriallia's vacant chair shifted, and a blond man dropped into it. The scars across his face gave him a rugged appearance, but under that he was admittedly handsome. He leaned forward, elbows on the table, and took them all in with a quick glance, before settling on Shinn.

"After a battle, or a war, is won...or lost, you can grieve if you want to, kid. If grieving is what you need to do, go ahead and do it, but don't judge others if they don't want to right away. You're going to find that a lot of people prefer to celebrate the living, first. You're alive, I'm alive, you have other friends who are alive. Cherish them, first...the dead can wait. Let yourself live, too. Live _for_ them."

"Right, Captain La Flaga," Meyrin said quietly. "Like...I know we lost people, lost friends, but I'm just so...relieved to be alive. Luna's alive, too, and so are Shinn and Kira and Athrun. Miss Lacus and Cagalli, too. Right now...that's what's most important to me."

Luna agreed with a silent nod, smiling faintly at her sister. She understood where Shinn was coming from, her heart hurt for those lost, but right now, she was just so glad they were alive.

"I..." For an instant, Luna feared he would explode, and then all the fight seemed to leave Shinn, and he visibly deflated. "I get it. I just wish he was here. Heine, too."

"We all do, Shinn." And it was the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t expect all updates to be this prompt. XD I happen to have several chapters written already, but I’m not sure how quickly I can keep writing, so they will slow once I run out of backlogged material. 
> 
> Reviews keep me writing, though. ;3


	3. Chapter 2

The door closed behind Athrun, Lacus exchanging one last look with him before her line of sight was completely blocked. Athrun had barely left Kira's side since they had returned to the Archangel, and she had finally talked him into taking a break. Athrun was taking this incident...entirely too hard. Lacus could not fault him for that, but she was worried about him.

In the bed behind her, Kira slept, though not peacefully. His body twitched faintly from time-to-time, and there was a tension to him that had not faded with sleep. It hurt her, seeing him like this. She knew he could overcome any challenge, she truly believed that of him, but right now...he was being tested to the limit.

"Oh, Kira..." she whispered, her voice the only sound to break the silence.

Moving, she took up the chair by his bedside. It was not common knowledge, but she had actually written the song Fields of Hope under just these circumstances. When Kira had been brought to her in the PLANTs, wounded and unconscious, she had filled the long hours waiting for him to awaken by working on it. Now, she once again took up pen and paper—an archaic means of recording her words, but she liked having something physical in her hands—and started writing.

Lacus worked for a while, but found it difficult to focus. Before long, she had allowed the pen to drop, her eyes glued to the sleeping figure on the bed. Oh gosh, what could she do for him? She knew that people always expected her to have the answers, but the truth was, sometimes she did doubt herself. She was only human, after all, and right now, in this moment, she knew that the task before her, before them all, would be daunting.

She would succeed, though. It was the only option. Kira had done so much for her, for them all, so he deserved nothing less than _her_ all. Not that she would even consider giving less, because that was not in her nature, but that was not the point. If you wanted to do something, give it one hundred percent, otherwise, what was the point?

Watching him sleep and contemplating these facts, words sprang to her lips unbidden.

_Beneath the veil of starry skies,_  
_As cold as winter's darkest night._  
_It's there you sleep, silent and deep,  
_ _You're all alone._

But he was not alone. He might be trapped in the eye of his mind, but they could, and would, be there, guiding him every step of the way. That was what friends did.

She hummed for a moment, watching as his chest rose and fell with each breath. After a moment, she let more words slip out, something feeling inherently right about them. She had, after all, written the song.

_I watched you as you so peacefully dreamed,_  
_You laughed like a child, happy and carefree._  
_It's so familiar, and yet so far,  
_ _That's the future's promise for you and me._

It was almost amusing, now, looking back and realising how much she still hoped for those words to become truth. Kira deserved to laugh. They all did. They deserved nights free of nightmares, as well; _everyone_ did. To that end, she would never stop working.

She continued humming the song, allowing snippets to slip out, until Kira shifted, a small noise escaping him. She fell silent, then, leaving him to wake up in peace.

He immediately tried to sit up. Moving swiftly, Lacus intercepted him, and to her chagrin, Kira flinched. She mentally scolded herself for her folly. While she truly believed Kira would learn to adapt and cope, that was no reason not to tell him she was there. She needed to meet him half way on this.  
It was difficult, however. Unlike Athrun, she wanted to give Kira a bit more...space while he learned how to cope. He needed the freedom to work out his own boundaries, but it was a difficult line to walk between giving him the help he _needed_ and allowing him the autonomy he also required. Athrun understood her reasoning and her approach, and Lacus was even certain he wanted the same things for Kira. However, he had trouble acting on that understanding. He was simply far too used to protecting Kira.

...and really, who was to say Athrun was not the one in the right? Only time would tell.

"Kira? It's Lacus." His hand darted out, and she took it, holding it to her chest gently.

"Is Athrun...?"

She started to shake her head, then stopped herself. Little good that would do. "I told Athrun to go shower and change. He should be back soon. Unless...?"

Kira shook his head. "Let him... What time is it?"

"It is nineteen-fourteen," she replied, "by the universal clock. You fell asleep about three hours ago."

"I see..." Kira freed his hand and reached up, as though to rub his eyes, then stopped. "No...I guess I don't see. I wonder if I'll ever be able to tell the time for myself again..."

"Kira..." she said quietly. "If that is something you wish to do, then you must do it. It is something only you can do for yourself, though we will help you along the way."

"Lacus..."

Her hands caught his once more, a small, sad smile on her lips. After a moment, he pulled his hand away, reaching up with uncertain fingers. She moved into his touch, allowing Kira's fingers to trace her cheek.

"You're so beautiful, Lacus."

She flushed at that, eyes widening slightly in surprise. Kira was never so forward, so what had brought this about? She was about to ask when he continued, "But I'll never see your smile again."

Lacus swallowed. Right now, she needed words. No smiles could reach him, and her touches, a hand closing over his, would not be enough. Closing her eyes, she leaned into his palm. "Oh Kira, that is not what matters. You can still hear my songs. You can still speak with me. You may touch me, and I, you. Truly, we are the fortunate ones here. No matter what, you will always have me.

"...but, if it is what is best for you, do not hold back your grief. It is better to cry while we are able than it is to wait until it is too late."

"Lacus..."

She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close while he bowed his head and cried. Tears trickled from her own eyes as she rubbed his back, a silent reassurance that everything would get better. It _would_.

They would make it.  
~

"—nice spot." A girl he did not recognise.

"The view is second to none." A different girl—Meyrin, maybe?

"Whatever. It's just a bunch of stars." A boy, his voice was harsh and annoyed sounding. It was vaguely familiar, but he had no name to place to it.

"You have to at least admit that the hotsprings are a nice touch." Miriallia. Blessedly, Miriallia.

A round of chuckles followed, and Kira's grasp on Lacus' hand tightened as they rounded the corner.

"Shinn, Lunamaria, Meyrin, Miriallia, what are you all doing here?" Athrun annunciated each name clearly, listing enough names to cover each speaker they had heard.

"Oh, Athrun!" Definitely Meyrin. "What are yo—Kira! You're up."

They were in space, he could not follow footsteps with people floating around, and while Lacus, Athrun, and his other friends and comrades did their best to make noise when approaching or moving around, not everyone was there yet. He was embarrassed at the way he flinched when her arm landed on his shoulder, his body tensing.

"Easy, Meyrin," Athrun said quietly, kicking loudly off the wall as he floated closer and came up on Kira's right. Their shoulders brushed. Kira felt him tug her away, and fought back a sigh of relief. She was a friend, she was, but he was finding very quickly that he truly hated people sneaking up on him, intentionally or not. It made him tense, and brought about the same sensations of fear that he was all too familiar with from the battlefield.

"Athrun?"

Their voices were so close. He pushed back against Lacus, and her free hand came up to rest against his back. "Do you want to go back?" Her voice was quiet, soothing, and he shook his head, turning towards her voice.

"No, I..."

"Meyrin, come see this." That was Miriallia, and Kira relaxed as Meyrin moved away, going to see whatever Mir was calling her about. Probably nothing, honestly.

"So, you're finally awake." Kira jumped, head whipping in the direction of the voice. The voice that was coming from directly in front of him. His body was ready to fight, despite the lingering pain. "I half expected you to die. It’s been like two days now."

"Shinn!" That was the unknown girl's voice. He recognised the name as belonging to Meyrin's sister. Right now, though, he was far more concerned with this voice that was too close. Where, though? Where was he _exactly_?

He felt Athrun move in front of him, his friend keeping one hand on him as he moved. He appreciated the sentiment, but Kira also felt a wave of anger gnaw at himself. He hated this weakness. Some ‘ultimate co-ordinator’ he was, unable to even know where people were if his hand was not being held.

Literally.  
"Shinn, you need to back off."

"Why? Not gonna introduce me to your friend?"

"Shinn, look at him," Meyrin’s sister muttered, "his eyes are wrapped in bandages. Meyrin, you too. He can't see anything."

Kira winced, though perhaps not for the reason the others would expect. Even when the bandages came off, he...

"Yeah, I get it. So? I can still be introduced to the great Freedom’s pilot, can't I?"

"Shinn..." Kira could hear the growing annoyance in Athrun's voice, and he carefully extracted his hand from Lacus'. Reaching out, he groped around, finally finding Athrun's sleeve.

Or, what he _thought_ was Athrun's sleeve.

"It's okay, Athrun."

"Kira..."

"I'm the one who wanted to come here. And we interrupted them."

"Kira, you don't have to—"

"Oh, Kira." That was Lacus, a note of sadness in her tone that stabbed at his heart.

"It's okay. Really. This is your friend, right? The pilot of the Impulse and the Destiny." Talk. If they were talking, he could tell where everyone was. At least, better than he could with people floating around in silence.

"Yeah. It's Shinn Asuka," the boy in question muttered. "And you?"

"I recognise your voice. Have we...?"

"Beats me."

"You probably heard each other over the radio," Athrun offered. "I had comm links opened with one or both of you often enough. It's probable I had you both on once or twice."

It made sense, but something... Oh well. It didn't seem important, now. All he had to go off of was a voice, now. He would never see the boy's face.

"Yeah, whatever," Shinn muttered dismissively. There was a slight inflection in his voice that indicated the boy was turning away. "So, you got any other name than Kira?"

"Uh, Yamato. Kira Yamato."

"And you?" A ruffle of clothing. He could only hear it because the boy was still so close, but he thought it meant Shinn was moving. "They all say you're Lacus Clyne. Are you really?"

"Oh, Shinn, let this go. It's her,” Meyrin’s sister muttered, sounding annoyed.

"Yes, that is my name."

"So if the other was a fake, where were _you_ during the entire war? Seems pretty convenient you only pop back up near the end."

"I was overseeing the production of the Infinite Justice and the Strike Freedom, as well as a number of other mobile suits." And so much more that she would not tell these people, of course.

"You? Lacus Clyne was making mobile suits." The scepticism in Shinn’s tone was almost painful.

"That's right. I feared that Athrun and Kira would have need of them, so I ensured that they had them when the time came."

"But Athrun was on our side." A soft snort escaped him. "What, would you have handed it over if he had stayed with us? Let it fight your precious Freedom?"

Kira could all but taste Athrun's tension. Lacus spoke up before either of them could, however. "I have confidence in Athrun's judgement. If he had chosen to remain with ZAFT, perhaps it would be reason to rethink our own stance."

That brought a few surprised gasps, and Kira found himself wishing he could see what was happening once again. He agreed with Lacus, though. He had doubted his own stance several times during the war, asking himself if Athrun wasn't right. He wondered what would have happened, then, if Durandal hadn't ordered them shot down. He had only grown to mistrust the PLANTs more with each passing day, but still...his trust in Athrun had never wavered. Their differences aside, he had always considered them friends.

"Lacus is right," Kira agreed softly. "Ours isn't the only opinion that matters."

"Kira, Lacus..." Athrun sounded unsurprisingly moved by their confession.

"Still, I am glad he came back to us...if not about the circumstances that brought him back."

"Me too, Lacus," Kira agreed quietly.

"It doesn't matter," Athrun muttered, a note of uncertainty in his tone. It was clear he wanted to change the topic, and Kira was happy to let him. He suspected Lacus was, too. "I'm just glad..."

"Yes, I am also glad this war is over. Too many lives were lost as it is."

Kira could not see what effect Lacus' words had, but the silence that fell was telling. There was nobody here who had not been personally affected by the fighting, and so nobody had anything to add. With the changing viewpoints of most of these people, there were no arguments to be made, either.  
The operative word was ‘most’.

He hated it. It was obvious that at least one of them still viewed him as an enemy, and he did not know what to do about. Truthfully...he wasn't even sure he _cared_. Right now, he simply...had other things on in his mind. Athrun, though…Athrun cared. That fact alone meant that Kira had to at least give it some thought, whether he wanted to or not.

Releasing Athrun's sleeve, Kira reached back, locating the wall with some effort. Cautiously, he worked down it, until his feet touched the floor.

"Kira? What is it?" The concern in Athrun’s tone grated, this time; Kira did not know why. He was sick and tired of being babied, though, he knew that for certain. Right now...he needed to do something for himself. "Let me help."

Gritting his teeth, Kira winced a bit as the gesture jarred his injured face, but he still shrugged off the hand on his arm.

"Let him, Athrun."

Nobody said anything, but each uncertain footstep he took was unhindered. Clearly, they were still watching out for him. The thought wanted to make him angry, but he forced it down. They only wanted to help.

His outstretched left hand came in contact with the cool glass a moment before his foot stumbled against the wall. Stopping, he curled it into a fist, the cold seeping through his fingers.

"I wish I could..." Kira cut himself off, crushing the feelings harder than before. He would not guilt them. He would not be weak. Lacus and Athrun had enough on their plates.

A hand pressed against his shoulder, and he jumped slightly, but Lacus' gentle touch was familiar. Heavy footsteps sounded behind him, and a moment later, Athrun's familiar presence was at his other side.

"Earth is in view," Athrun said quietly. "We're above the North American continent. It looks like there's a storm of some sort raging over the eastern seaboard, but it's fairly clear for what else I can see."

"We should be back in Orb within a few days, if all goes well," Lacus supplied. "I bet your mother and Cagalli will be overjoyed to see you."

He turned towards her voice, smiling softly. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Attha? Why would you care about seeing her?" Shinn demanded.

Kira looked towards the voice, frowning.

"She's our friend. She fought alongside us in the last war, and Orb funded a lot of our research," Miriallia supplied.

"You need to get over this hatred of Orb, Shinn," Lunamaria muttered, the tone of a tired argument on her lips.

"I...my family was killed by the Atthas! And the Freedom! It didn't protect them! It was right there!"

"Shinn?" Kira was tense, and Athrun pressed a hand to his shoulder, squeezing. "Can you drop this? It's..."

"My family is dead!"

"Cagalli is my sister."

Several people gasped, and then a moment of silence followed. Only a moment.

"Wha—? Your...?"

"Yes, my sister. We're twins."

"She's a natural! There's no way..."

"Shinn, this is none of your business." Athrun's heart was in the right place, but...

"It is, but only if Kira wishes to share it." Lacus understood.

Athrun huffed, then sighed. "I suppose...of course, Kira. I just don't want you to feel obligated to talk about this."

"I know, Athrun, and I appreciate it. I just..." Maybe he didn't really wish to share it, after all. Shinn clearly did not like him, and hated Cagalli. What good could this information do, anyway, besides make Shinn start hating their whole family? He could not see any easy way out of this now, though.

"Let's go back. I'm hungry," Athrun cut in suddenly. They had eaten only an hour before, but it did not take Kira long to figure out what he was really saying. The truth was, Shinn's animosity was making him uncomfortable, and Kira was feeling tired. Athrun was offering him an out.

"Yeah, okay. Let's go."

With Lacus on his arm, they followed Athrun out, bidding farewell to the others as they did so. He could almost taste Shinn's discomfort as they left, but he pushed it aside. Right now, he had other concerns.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this fic is all over the place, and doesn’t have as much of a focus on Kira as people would probably like. I’m sorry, but I’m trying to build a foundation that will be important in later chapters. Rest assured, once they make it back to Earth, things will move along with more attention on Kira (and Lacus!). 
> 
> Furthermore, this is a disability fic, and I am doing my utmost to accurately portray the experience of living with a disability. There will be good days, there will be bad days, and I’m hoping to catch them all believably. Though not blind myself, I do suffer from a disability, so this story is somewhat personal for me. I only hope I am doing it justice. 
> 
> Lastly, I’m in the process of moving. So, while I am still writing, updates will be sporadic at best. Want more updates? Poke me and I’ll try.

"You need to talk to him! We're going to be landing in Orb soon, and if you two don't straighten this out..." Shinn bit back a sigh, a scowl on his lips as Lunamaria shoved him towards an innocuous-looking door, no different from any of the others lining both sides of the hallway.   
They had been stuck aboard the Archangel for a full week now, the trip back to earth delayed by continuous stops and repair efforts. The small fleet was finally nearing its descent point, however, and if all went well, they would land just inside Orb's territory, off the coast by Kaguya, within a day.

Shinn had mixed feelings about returning to Orb, but mostly he was just glad it was all over. Though he wished he could avoid that country, he knew it was impossible. Wars did not end in a day, and while most hostilities had ceased, the scattered remains of fighting remained at posts that had not yet been brought under the ceasefire. Without a proper treaty in place, not everyone would listen, either. The command structures of both the PLANTs and the Earth Alliance were shattered, making control tenuous at best.

...in short, things were a mess. The Clyne Faction, or whatever the heck with organisation that he was stuck with called itself, was doing what it could to settle everyone down, but after the ferocity demonstrated at the end of the war...well, it was not easy. It was for that reason that he, along with the entirety of the Minerva's crew, was stuck aboard the Archangel.

The Eternal and Kusangi were also with them, though aside from a few minutes aboard the Eternal, he had not left this ship. He wasn't _allowed_ to leave. The crews of the three ships passed among them easily enough, but they were technically prisoners, being escorted to earth in a ‘safe manner that ensured no further involvement in hostilities’. It infuriated him, but what could he do?

Begrudgingly, he had to admit that they were not being treated badly, and he had his friends. They had the run of the ship, bridge and hold exempted, and the crew were kind enough to them. Honestly, Shinn had to admit that he believed their claims that all they intended to do was see them safely to Orb, then let them free. That did not mean he could not be frustrated by it, however.

To make matters worse, Athrun was nowhere to be found. He wanted to talk to him, he really did, but how was he supposed to _do_ that when the only time he saw him, Athrun was dragging around Lacus Clyne and that Kira guy? After some poking around, they had managed to find out which of the rooms he was using for his stay on the Archangel. Or, what room was his. He did not really know. Athrun was _stationed_ on the Eternal, from what he could gather, but was staying on the Archangel. Why, he had no idea, but that was how it was.

"Shinn, are you even listening to me?"

"Huh? Luna?" he asked, turning to his girlfriend. "What were you saying?"

"You're impossible." That was a little unfair. "I was asking if you were going to buzz him today or next week. I know he's in there. I asked Mir about it."

Good friends. Meyrin and Luna had buddied up with the Miriallia girl, and Lacus Clyne too. Shinn was not sure how he felt about that, but he supposed it was _probably_ for the best. As much as he wanted to hate these people...they were just that.

People.

"Earth to Shinn. Are you going to return from whatever galaxy you've gone to sometime today?"

"Right. Sorry." Unthinking, he lifted one hand and rang the buzzer on the room. After a moment, Athrun's voice sounded over the intercom, inviting them in. The door beeped, indicating it was unlocked, and Shinn hit the button to open it.

"Good luck. And Shinn? Be polite."

Before he could make a smart retort, the door had slid open, and Luna was gone, floating off down the hallway. Sighing to himself, he stepped inside—and paused. Athrun was seated on one of the room's beds, his hand still on the console that controlled the door. Lying on the other bed, facing the wall, was Kira Yamato.

Even here, he could not escape that man! The worst of all was that he wanted to _like_ Yamato, but at the same time, his own long-standing biases refused to let him.

"Oh, Shinn. I didn't realise it was you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded, scowling.

"Sorry. We were just waiting for Lacus. I assumed you were her."

"So, what, you wouldn't have let me in if you'd known?"

"Don't be like that, Shinn. It was just a surprise."

Shinn scoffed, but let it drop. Instead, he nodded towards Kira. "What's up with him?"

Athrun frowned at him, making Shinn glare. "You could try asking _Kira_ that. And a hello wouldn't hurt. So he knows who you are."

Glancing back at Kira, Shinn folded his arms. "You said my name. He can hear my voice." He paused, noticing that the wrap surrounding the brunet's was gone. "His bandages are off. What the hell is the point in _that_? He can figure it out for himself."

When Shinn glanced back at Athrun, he saw an open expression of rage on the other's face. "Because it's _polite_ , Shinn."

"Let it go, Athrun,” a new voice sounded.

"Kira..."

Shinn glared between the two, but after a moment, he took a deep breath. "Hi, Kira." Because he didn't have to hate Kira anymore. He had to believe that, even if Athrun's overprotectiveness of the brunet was just a pain in the ass.

That got a reaction. Kira, for the first time since he had come in, pushed himself upright on his good arm and slowly looked over at him. Shinn could not hold back the gasp that escaped him.

He wasn't sure what he had expected, after Kira's bandages came off, but what he got...was not it. He supposed he had expected perhaps a scar, stitches maybe, signs of a bad wound...but not...

It was clear the surgeon had tried to make it...better, but that was really too generous a word. One socket had been closed over, the eyelid sealed over it with a nasty-looking scar. The other one...was empty. It was simply an ugly, gaping hole, the flesh the soft pink of tender new skin. Shinn found that it turned his stomach.

"I-I..." A glance at Athrun revealed that the other man was glaring him down, an intense look on his features. Meeting his eyes, Athrun shook his head, once. "I didn't know you'd be here." Athrun had better be fucking happy. It had taken all of Shinn's willpower to get that out, and this for someone he did not even like!

The tense moment passed, however, and Kira smiled, albeit weakly. "Well, it is my room. Athrun's the intruder here."

A soft chuckle greeted the words, and Athrun was smiling softly. "You're the one who invited me to stay here."

"Admit it, you would have anyway."

"Probably. You get into too much trouble if I'm not there to watch you."

The two chuckled softly, and Shinn found himself scowling again. He had come here to talk to Athrun! But instead...!

The door opened behind him, and Shinn turned as Lacus floated in. Her eyes widened slightly, then she smiled at him. "Hello Kira. Athrun. Shinn. It's good to see you. I'm not interrupting anything, am I? The door was unlocked, so I thought it okay to come in."

"Actually, Lacus," Kira said, turning away from them and groping around in the cubby by his bedside. After a moment, he was putting on a pair of sunglasses. "Would you take me to the bridge? I'd like to talk to Ms. Murrue."

"Of course, Kira. Athrun, we'll be back later."

"Okay. Thank you, Kira. Lacus."

With a quick nod of acknowledgement, the two headed out, Lacus’ arm linked with Kira's as they floated out the door.

"So, you finally have time for me?"

"Shinn, just don't. Please. I'm not happy about it, either, but Kira needs me right now, and you're the one who can't seem to say a friendly word to him."

...okay, Athrun might have him there. Still, he was pissed anyway.

"I need to know, what happened to Rey?"

Athrun hesitated a moment, then let out a long sigh. "You should know, we tried to save him. He and Captain Gladys were both...ready to go down with the chairman, but we were able to..." He shook his head. "We got them to the mobile suits, but the base was collapsing. I don't know exactly what happened, but rubble fell, and the Freedom overturned. Rey was...caught under it, and Kira was knocked aside. He barely made it."

"The Freedom killed him."

"Shinn, it was an accident."

"An accident like Heine's death?"

" _Shinn_!"

He knew he was being pigheaded, honestly, but Shinn did not want to let the matter drop. He was angry that Rey had died, while Kira had lived. Where was the justice in that? Why couldn't Rey have lived instead? He'd only been fighting to fulfill his dreams. To...!

"Rey said something to me, about...about how his life was only an experiment to create that Kira guy. So why...!?"

Athrun's eyes widened at that, and he stared for a long moment. His next words were clearly chosen carefully. "What did he tell you, exactly?"

Well, Athrun clearly knew something, then. Something about why Rey had had to spend his entire life suffering like he had. Because it wasn't fair. None of it.

"He told me he was a clone of...of someone, the name isn't..."

"Was it Al Da Flaga?"

Shinn's eyes narrowed. Athrun _definitely_ knew. "I think so. Something about the late Commander Le Creuset..."

"Then it was Al Da Flaga. He was Captain Mu La Flaga's father. He...might know more about it. Kira told me what he knows, but that isn't much."

"So he knew about this?" Shinn demanded, feeling anger well up in him again.

Athrun shook his head. "He may have been born in the same lab as Rey, but I don't think that counts as knowing much. And whatever relation Rey has to the experiments involving—" Athrun cut himself off sharply, his jaw making an audible click as he did so. Instead, he shook his head. "You want more, ask Kira. This isn't my story to tell. But I will tell you that Kira had _nothing_ to do with whatever happened to Rey, at least not personally, and that the whole affair is...not something he's happy about. And he did try to save Rey."

Falling silent, Shinn stared at Athrun for a long moment. He wanted to get angry, but instead, he forced that side of himself away and, using all of the willpower he could muster, he forced himself to think about things from the other side.

...Rey was, physically, younger than Kira, though he aged faster. If Kira was born from that lab, then...something didn't add up. Was Athrun lying? Had Kira lied to him? Had Kira been lied _to_? Was information being concealed?

...had Rey lied or been misinformed?

After a full minute of battling with those questions, Shinn decided they were too much for the moment. He was not going to get answers by giving himself a headache, and he really did not think Athrun was lying to him. More so, he did not think Kira would lie to Athrun. The two seemed awfully close, considering they had simply been war buddies. Therefore, if he wanted more information, he would have to get it elsewhere.

Truthfully, though, he thought maybe he was okay with what he now knew. Kira was not some evil madman who had been involved in cloning experiments, so what did it matter? Assuming Athrun was being honest...maybe Kira was a victim, too. It was not something he would have considered in the past, but he had promised Luna he would try to get passed this, and he meant to keep that promise.

"You know, Kira's been my best friend since I was four-years-old," Athrun said after several minutes of silence. "I'm not asking you to like him, but can you please try...not to be so hard on him? He's having a really rough time right now, and he won't ask anyone to back off for himself; he never does. So..."

Shinn found himself staring at Athrun in silence. Best friend? Four? _That_ he hadn't known. Suddenly, a few things made sense. After a long moment, he nodded. "I...I'm gonna try." Though they were docking soon, he wanted to keep Athrun as a friend, and with Luna and Meyrin so close to the members of this crew, he knew it would not be the end of his association with Kira Yamato.

And maybe, just maybe...he was getting tired of his own rage. This war...it hadn't brought anything good upon the world, and after seeing how the others dealt with things, and speaking at length to Lunamaria, he had vowed to try to better himself. Well, forgiving Kira Yamato would not be the hardest task, there.

"So, how did you two meet?"

Athrun looked surprised, then one side of his mouth quirked up in amusement. "Well, it was just before we started school..."

They talked at length. In that time frame, Shinn learned more than he had dared hope to. Eventually, though, the speaker on the door sounded.

"Athrun? The ship is beginning its descent shortly," Lacus said, her voice floating softly over the intercom. "You should get into your uniform, then head for the bridge. There are seats there for you and Kira. Shinn should join the rest of the crew for reentry."

Athrun jumped up, hurrying to the small closet the room had—though Shinn was a little surprised they had that much. This wasn't a regular crew cabin, to be sure—and pulling it open.

"Come in!" he called as he pulled out two uniforms. The door opened as Athrun laid them out on the nearest bed. It was strange to Shinn to realise he actually hadn't seen Athrun or Kira in uniform since boarding the ship. The rest of the crew wore the uniform of Orb, but those two had been in plain clothes every time he had seen them.

"You forgot, didn't you?" Kira asked, a note of amusement in his tone.

Athrun let out a long sigh. "Sorry. We got to talking, and..."

"It's fine, Athrun. Can you hand me mine?"

Shinn was surprised at the uniform Kira was given. He knew a few things about the designation of rank in the Orb military, and the bars of rank on the jacket Kira was given, the bands on his cuffs and lapel, didn't stand for a simple mobile suit pilot. To his great surprise...he realised that Kira Yamato was the ranking officer on this ship. In fact…he was the ranking officer in the Orb military, here.  
Admiral Kira Yamato. He had honestly had no idea.

...and Athrun wasn't all that far behind. Commander Zala in ZAFT, Commander Zala in Orb. After defecting, then joining Orb, then joining ZAFT, then defecting to rejoin Orb...he could not wrap his head around why Athrun was being given that much honour. And just who was Kira, really?

"Shinn? Would you like me to show you the way?"

Glancing at the smiling Lacus, Shinn frowned. "I've been on this ship long enough to know where I need to go for reentry."

"Would you like company for the walk over, then? I would be happy to provide it."

Why was she being so persistent, he—

—should probably leave. Athrun and Kira needed to get changed, and Athrun probably needed a few minutes extra to help Kira. Lacus intended to leave, and she was politely telling him to leave, too. Blushing faintly, he nodded.

"I...yes. Let's go."  
~  
The door closed behind Lacus and Shinn, and Athrun let out a baited breath, grateful for Lacus' tactful nature. He had not wanted to blatantly kick Shinn out, but Kira needed assistance. It always took them extra time to get ready in the morning, simply because Athrun tried to give Kira as much autonomy as possible, while still giving him the assistance that he needed.

The moment the door closed, Kira seemed to sag, the calm, steadfastness that was so very Kira just seeping away. This was a side he never showed to anyone else, not even Lacus. It was the side of Kira that was feeling the loss of his sight to the bone.

_Birdy_!

Torii took flight from Kira's shoulder, flapping over to Athrun to land on his. Kira followed the sound of her wings, stopping only a foot from Athrun's side. There was no denying that Kira was learning to cope very well, and being back on Earth, where he could hear people walk, would only help with that, but the first few days had been bad.

...and the nights were worse.

Athrun would never tell anyone, but the first night after Kira had awoken, he had begged Athrun to stay in sickbay with him. Well, begged might be too strong a word, a single request was all it had taken, but the fact that he had asked at all was surprising.

When Kira awoke with a scream that night, Athrun had been there, though, sleeping just across the room. He had leapt out of bed, hurrying to Kira's side. Nightmares were something they were both accustomed to, and Athrun had said nothing while Kira clung to him in silence.

When words finally escaped Kira, they had broken Athrun's heart.

_I can't escape the darkness._

It was not commonly known, but as a child, Kira had been terrified of the dark. He had outgrown it with time, as many did, but it seemed like old fears were creeping back in.

Athrun had cried, then, silent tears that he dared not let Kira hear. He was not sure if he had succeeded or not, but Kira never said anything. To Athrun's surprise, Kira had not even cried. All he had done was sit there next to him in dead silence, leaning against Athrun's side until he had finally fallen asleep again. Athrun had dozed off then, too, and they stayed that way until the doctor had come and awakened them for Kira's checkup.

Kira had moved back to his room that night. Athrun had already moved their things there, from the Eternal, and though Kira hadn't said it, Athrun knew he had been grateful. While the Eternal was technically where they were stationed, the Archangel was the ship Kira was more familiar with, and he knew the crew better. It had just made sense to stay here.

Lacus had agreed, and moved over to the Archangel to be with them.

The first day he was allowed out of bed, he had fumbled about, Athrun and Lacus both uncertain of how much help to offer him. Eventually, Kira had simply...given up, which was not like the stubborn brunet at all, and allowed Athrun to help him dress. With his and Lacus' help, Kira had made it through the day, though he had refused to leave the room. It was not until the next day that that had happened, and it was also the day they had met Lunamaria and the others. That particular exchange had left Kira quiet and contemplative, and they had not spoken of it. At least, Athrun had not spoken to Kira about it, but he thought maybe Lacus had.

Athrun had to admit that he was glad Shinn was coming around. The boy's animosity had been another stressor that Kira absolutely did not need, and he knew Kira was relieved by Shinn's...civility today. He was, too. It was the sign of progress.

All that aside, Kira seemed to improve physically with each passing day. He was quickly learning to accommodate for the loss of his vision when doing basic tasks like eating, brushing his teeth, and showering. Though he still needed a great deal of help with more complex tasks, there was no doubt that Kira was actively trying to become self-sufficient again. His little trick of using Torii to locate people was especially interesting, in Athrun's opinion. He would simply tell the robotic bird who he wanted, then follow the sound of her wings to that person. It was not infallible, there was a limit to the number of people she recognised for one, but it did work a lot of the time.

The people on the ship were accommodating, too. Most people introduced themselves when they entered the room with Kira, even those whom he recognised the voices of, and many had taken to intentionally making noise when they moved around. Kira never said anything, but Athrun knew he was grateful for it.

For certain, the days were getting easier. The sole exception to that fact was earlier today, when Kira's bandages had come off. While the splints on his arm and nose remained while the bones knitted, the open wounds on his face and body had closed over nicely, the accelerated healing of co-ordinators playing no small role in that. So, all of his other bandages had been removed that morning, most revealing clean, unblemished skin. All but the ones on his face.

Scars riddled the skin around his eyes, the Archangel lacking the means to have them removed—and honestly, Athrun doubted there was much point. His eyes were simply gone, and there was absolutely no way to escape or conceal that fact short of physically covering up the damage. For that purpose, he had been given sunglasses, and an eyepatch to wear over the empty socket if he so chose. The problem was, Athrun did not really know how to bring the issue up. Kira knew, at least somewhat, how bad the damage was—there had been no way to stop him from touching the areas. The soft gasp when he had encountered the empty socket was a sound that plagued Athrun even now.

Despite that minor setback, Athrun had hope. Kira was strong, adaptable, and he had wonderful support. They would make it through the coming days.

...no, the problem was the nights. When night fell, or at least when the clocks said night fell, and silence settled over the ship...that was when Kira really got distressed. With no stimulation to keep him busy, he often fell into a brooding depression. The bad dreams did not help, either, and the truth was...Athrun did not know what else to do besides be there for him, for when it got too bad and he needed someone to hear and touch and talk to.

Athrun did have one idea, but he needed to get back to Earth to implement it. He was eager to do so. He was also eager for Kira to reunite with his family, and for him to speak to Reverend Malchio. It was those thoughts that kept Athrun going through the long, miserable nights.

Placing a hand on Kira's shoulder, Athrun turned him towards the bed, allowing Kira to lean down and locate the uniform for himself.

"Kira," he began cautiously, watching with half an eye as Kira ran his hands up the uniform and began deftly freeing the pants from the hanger, "I have something for you. If you want it."

"You're going to have to tell me what it is," Kira said, trying for a laugh. There was no real humour to it, though.

"The hanger crew, Murdock and the rest, all put their heads together and made you this." Taking a deep breath, Athrun reached into his pocket and pulled out the eyepatch. It was supple leather, the back lined with a soft a soft fleece that wouldn't chafe the skin.

Taking Kira's wrist, he turned his hand over and gently pressed the patch into it. For a moment, silence descended while Kira ran his fingers over it.

"An eyepatch?" he correctly concluded at last. Athrun nodded, then stopped himself.

"Yes. It's black leather with a picture of Torii embroidered on the front."

A long silence, then, "Does it really look that bad?"

"Kira. They made it before the bandages came off. It's got nothing to do with—"

" _Athrun_. That's not what I asked. Does it look bad enough to need this?"

"Uh...yeah," he admitted. "It would probably be a good idea."

"Help me with it?" Kira asked after only a moment's hesitation. The eyepatch was held out, and Athrun took it once more. Straightening out the elastic that would hold it in place, Athrun laid the side with Torii against his palm then carefully transferred it to Kira, taking care to keep the string untangled as he did so.

Kira took it from there, his hands quickly working out what to do. Once it was in place, Athrun moved behind him, adjusting the strap so it fit more snugly.

"Good?"

"Feels...weird. But yeah. It's good. How does it look?"

Athrun stared at him, then chuckled. "You know, you almost pull off hardened war hero, but the picture of Torii sorta ruins it."

Kira openly laughed at that. "But the kids will like it."

"I'm sure they'll love it. Better watch out, though. They're going to love that strap, too."

"I'm sure they will," Kira said, groaning at the thought. Athrun reached over and lightly shoved his shoulder.

"C'mon, let's get ready."


	5. Chapter 4

The descent to Earth went smoothly, all three ships making it down without a hitch. From there, it was only a short trip to the dock at Kaguya, and then the Archangel was settling into place, the doors opening and gangplank lowering.

The joint crews of the Archangel and the Minerva lined the walls on both sides of the hall, captains Ramius and Gladys waiting at the end of each. Both wore full uniform, though only the Archangel's crew stood stiffly at attention, saluting.

Cagalli tore down the hallway, a briskness to her stride that gave Kisaka a challenge in keeping up. A few acquaintances were given a brief nod or wave, but her eyes were very obviously glued to the very end of the line, where Lacus, Athrun, and Kira waited silently. All three were dressed up, and Lacus' arm was hooked through Kira's good one. Torii was there, too, perched on his right shoulder.  
Birdy! The toy proclaimed, launching herself from his shoulder and gliding down the hall to Cagalli. With a smile, she paused to let the toy land on her shoulder, then pressed on.

"Kira!" Unable to play the role of Chief Representative any longer, she ran the last few metres. Kira stepped forward, freeing himself gently from Lacus, and allowed her to catch him in a tight hug.

He looked...different. Well, that was a given; Lacus had filled her in on everything. Beyond the obvious, however, he looked tired and haggard, his face paler than before. But he was alive. And he smiled at her.

"Cagalli...we did it."

Her grasp tightened. "Yeah, we did." She felt no shame at the tears leaking down her cheeks as she hugged him. When they had first sent her the news, she had been devastated, but Athrun and Lacus had both pointed out the importance of staying strong for him. That had gone down the drain the moment she had laid eyes on him. She would weep with him. She would weep for him. He was her little brother.  
Ridiculous eyepatch and all.

"Well, I for one am eager to get off this ship," Captain Ramius said, and across from her, Captain Gladys nodded agreement.

"I'm sure everyone here is eager to return home," Cagalli said, disentangling herself from Kira and stepping back. "I want to take this moment to thank you all for your hard work. This wouldn't have been possible without you. All of you. Thank you."

She tried not to see Shinn, standing nearby with an annoyed look on his face. It was not the look of pure loathing she was used to from him, but it certainly was not the looks of affection she was getting from the Archangel's crew.

Well, nothing to be done about that now.

With Kira, Lacus, and Athrun in tow, she led the way off the ship. Athrun, she noticed, was sending her somewhat uncertain glances, and after a moment, she reached back and gave his hand a quick, light squeeze. She had not put his ring back on, yet, but that...she wanted him to know that decision was a testament to her weakness, not about him. Once she was fully back on her feet, then she would give more thought to marriage. Right now, she just had to focus on one thing at a time.

...besides, Kira would never forgive her if she broke his best friend's heart.

As they emerged from the ship, a loud and enthusiastic cheer went up, making Kira stop dead. Athrun leaned in, hand on Kira's elbow, and whispered, "It's the military, mostly, but I see some mechanics. Some of your friends, too, and Reverend Malchio and your parents. I think there are a lot of families in the crowd, as well. They're here to cheer for you, Kira. For us. We succeeded, again."

"Thanks, Athrun," Kira replied, quietly. From where she was, Cagalli could see the tension in his hand as he clutched Lacus'.

"Come on. The Archangel can dock in its port later," Cagalli said, motioning for the three to follow her. "Kira, your parents know where to meet us. It should be quieter there." A quick glance confirmed that the Yamatos had, in fact, disappeared already. No surprise, there; they were eager to see their son away from the hustle and bustle.

The soldiers left the ship in an orderly fashion, but the moment they dismounted the gangplank, it was joyous chaos. Families pressed forward, and laughter and yells of delight filled the area. In the background, the Kusanagi was slipping into port, and behind even it, the Eternal patiently awaited its turn to dock. It would be a short stay for the Eternal, but a number of her crew had settled in Orb and wanted to see their families. Commander Waltfeld would also be returning home.

It was a wonderful sight, and Cagalli turned back, intent on making a comment to her friends, just in time to see someone bump heavily into Kira. Her brother flinched violently, stepping away and crashing into Lacus in the process. Immediately, Athrun was at Kira's right side, reaching out to steady them both. He was also shielding Kira from any further contact.

"Kira? Are you all right?" Lacus asked, concern on her face. No surprise, there. The impact had jostled his broken arm heavily, and fear was not the only emotion on his face.

"Kira..." Cagalli added, stepping forward in concern.

"Stop it..."

"Kira?" Athrun asked, clearly surprised. "What's wrong? We're—"

"Stop babying me!"

Silence fell, nobody really knowing how to respond to Kira's outburst. This was not at all like her normally calm and collected brother. In fact, it sounded a bit like the Kira she had met during the first war, before he had reconnected with Athrun and "changed". She didn't like it.

"Very well," Lacus said at last. "Would you kindly permit us to walk with you at least, Kira?"

"I..."

"I very much enjoy being by your side."

Leave it to Lacus. Kira calmed at her words, sighing as his shoulders sagged. "Lacus...I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Kira. We understand," Athrun added, clapping him on the shoulder. "You don't have to explain yourself."

"Thanks, Athrun."

This time, Kira did not object when Athrun and Lacus settled in protectively on either side of him. Materialising seemingly out of nowhere, Kisaka settled in behind them with a nod. Cagalli did her part as well, marching confidently in the front. Something in her expression must have been telling, because people parted before them. It made the trip that much easier, and that much faster. It was not long before they were at the door to her late father's office.

A loan guard stood at the door, and she nodded to them. She had mostly been present to let the Yamatos in, should they arrive first, and Cagalli dismissed her with thanks. Kisaka took up her post while the four of them stepped inside.

"Kira, oh my boy..." Caridad stepped forward. Athrun was the first to move, intercepting her quickly. He said something that Cagalli didn't catch, but it stopped her from continuing.

Kira, freed now from Lacus' and Athrun's grips, took Torii from his shoulder. Holding the bird up, he muttered, "Find Mom." From there, Cagalli watched in surprise as the robot took wing, flapping over to Caridad and settling on her outstretched hand. Kira followed, stopping just in front of Torii. Lifting his good arm, he reached out, catching his mother's hand. He used the grip to guide himself in, stepping into her embrace.

"Oh my boy...!"

They stayed that way for a long while, Kira with his good arm wrapped around his mother, and her squeezing him tightly.  
Kira broke first, stepping back. "I'm okay, Mom."

Caridad reached out, stroking his face. "I know. You always are."

"Sounds like someone else I know," Cagalli quipped. Lacus giggled, while Athrun just stared at them in confusion, making both girls chuckle harder.

"Torii, find Dad."

The process was repeated, Kira accepting a warm hug from his father. Cagalli knew it had been a while since they had seen one another, with Haruma away in the plants more often than not. Both Caridad and Haruma had thrown themselves into helping them with their cause, and travel was a small price to pay for the success of the end goals they sought to accomplish.

While Kira spoke quietly with his father, Caridad worked her way over to Cagalli, engulfing her niece in a hug. Cagalli squawked, squirming awkwardly.

"I've been here the whole time, Aunt Caridad," she muttered, disgruntled. Caridad simply laughed softly, releasing her.

Lacus was next, and not even Athrun was safe from her motherly affection. Cagalli hid a smile behind her hand as she listened to Caridad muttering to an eternally-patient Athrun about Lenore never forgiving her if she 'let her little boy go without a mother'.

When the question of what happened to Kira came up, a request to hear the whole story and not just the watered-down story they had all been told, Kira seemed to shrink in on himself. Silence reigned for a long moment, until Kira finally shook his head.

"Ask Athrun."

Before another word could be spoken, Lacus cut them all off. "Let us save that for another time. This is a happy occasion, is it not? I should so very much like to return home and see the children."

"That's a good idea, Lacus. I have some things I need to take care of," the Three Ships Alliance docked in her port was nothing to shake a stick at. The Eternal needed resupply to return to space, and the Archangel needed to disappear into its secret hanger, and...there was _so much_ to do, "but I can meet you over at the mansion later."

"Lacus and I should go with you, Cagalli," Kira said, much to her surprise. "We all need to thank the troops. I should send out a broadcast to our vessels, too, thanking them all for their help and service."

"I can take care of all that, Kira. Captain Ramius will help, I'm sure. And Commander Waltfeld."

Kira shook his head. "You're the leader of Orb, Cagalli, but I'm the Admiral of the army. It needs to come from me, too. And Lacus. Terminal wouldn't exist without all of us. Athrun, I think you should be there, too."

"Okay, Kira," Cagalli agreed, before either of the others could say anything. If he wanted to do this, who were they to stop him? Besides, he was absolutely correct. "Let's go." If they didn't hurry, there was a very good chance people would start disappearing as they headed home. With that thought in mind, they headed out hurriedly, Kira once again safely nestled amongst them.  
She tried not to see the tension in his jaw.  
~  
"Let's throw a party."

Kira looked in the direction of Cagalli's voice, not bothering to hide his surprise at her sudden suggestion. They were all lazing around at the Waltfeld-Ramius mansion, together with the home owners, Mu, and his parents. They had just finished a massive supper, prepared by the talented cooks at the mansion, and most of them were all but slipping into a food coma.

...all save Mu and Andrew Waltfeld, who seemed far more concerned with arguing about coffee. Murrue and his parents were somewhere, too, whispering about something he could not quite catch. That left the four of them alone, free to fall victim to his sister's enthusiastic scheming.

"Cagalli, I'm not sure this is a good time..."

"Do you have a better time in mind, Athrun?" Cagalli challenged right back.

"Well, no, I just thought..."

"I think it's a lovely idea. Let us celebrate the lives saved, and live for those who can no longer do so for themselves. Let us celebrate our success,” Lacus agreed with enthusiasm.

"Kira, help me out here?"

"Actually, Athrun," he said at last, "I think it's a good idea." He could all but taste their surprise. Of course, why wouldn't they be surprised? The blind man, wanting to throw himself into a place where he would be surrounded by smells and sounds, with no way to tell between them? Well, he was going to prove to everyone, himself included, that he was no cripple. After the fiasco today, he was more determined than ever to beat this.

"Then it's settled! We'll probably have to host it here. Mine is the only other place big enough, and I don't think it's really proper to host a party, there. At least, if it's not political. If I did, half the government would show up, and the other half would be offended they weren't invited."

His sister's playful rant was greeted with a few chuckles, Kira's own amongst them. Why shouldn't they have some fun on the side? Aside from that, Kira suspected there was more potential to Cagalli's suggestion than simply getting drunk and dancing.

At his side, Athrun shifted, his discomfort plain. Kira appreciated his protectiveness, he really did. It had always been that way, from when they lived in Copernicus, right down through both wars. Athrun was always ready to protect him. Right now, though, he did not need it. He needed to prove that to himself most of all.

Reaching over, he groped around for a moment, then squeezed Athrun's arm. "It'll be fine," he assured. "I'll be fine."

Athrun did not say anything, but he also didn't have to; Kira knew that would be the end of the issue.

"We'll invite most of the crews, of course," Cagalli was saying. "We should bring in Sai and Kuzzey, too. The Hawke sisters, definitely..."

"And Shinn." Kira's suggestion brought silence to the room.

"Kira...are you sure?" Cagalli finally dared. "I mean, it's just..."

"I think we should bring in a few other members of the Minerva's crew, as well. Captain Gladys, definitely."

"Kira, you realise what this is, right?" Cagalli asked.

"He knows," Lacus said. "And I think it's a good idea. We cannot grow if we refuse to touch others."

"I think...it's a good idea. Shinn can change, he is changing, and I have no doubt Lunamaria will join us, since her sister has already. I can probably suggest a few others, too," Athrun offered.  
"Yzak and Dearka should be invited, too," Kira suggested. The two had not been happy with them—well, mostly Yzak. If nothing else, it would be a peace offering.

"I can just imagine how much life they'll bring," Cagalli said, the words greeted with a few chuckles.

"Is there anyone else?" Lacus asked.

The discussion went on for some time, but it eventually devolved into stories of the war. They had all spent months apart, and there was a lot of catching up to do, yet. Then the door burst open.

The sudden noise was overwhelming to Kira. Athrun had been telling them about how bad the rations aboard the Minerva were, but all thoughts of bad ship's food were immediately banished. Instead, he was surrounded by _noise_. Footsteps, yelling, clothing rustling, laughter—all the noises that typically accompanied a group of children.

Someone bumped his leg, and Kira flinched. He could not tell where anyone was...! He was getting used to navigating, he really was, but how was he supposed to do so in these circumstances? There were too many noises, and he could not decipher between them. It was all one big cacophony.

"Okay everyone, please settle down now." Lacus' voice rang out strong and clear over the noise. "We are all very glad to see you, too, but you need to settle down."

It was not the kids' fault. To give them a quiet meal, Reverend Malchio had taken the children out, so this was their first time seeing himself, Lacus, and the others in months. They were simply excited. It was not their fault Kira was so...jumpy. He repeated that to himself over and over again.

He needed to stop seeing the scenes of war in his mind's eye. But with nothing to replace it, how could he do that? The sounds, the touches, the smells...he could not see any of it, so what was he to _make_ of it all?  
Sometimes, he even wondered if this was all just a dream, and maybe reality was not what he thought it was. The noises _could_ be a battle…couldn’t they? He couldn’t see! How was he to be really, truly certain that what he thought was real…actually was? It was disconcerting, no matter how hard he tried to crush those stupid fears they kept coming back, biting at the back of his mind like a flea.  
It was only the children. They were loud and it messed with his senses, but it was only the children. Not war. Not a battle. Nothing to fear…  
But what if…?

He wanted to kick himself for even thinking like that. It was the children. The children he had spent the better part of two years looking after. Why couldn't he calm down, then? He was _not_ in danger!

"Kira?" A hand landed on his elbow a moment after Arthrun said his name, and Kira subconsciously shifted towards his voice. "Lacus has them. It's okay. Your parents are helping, too."

"I know," he said, sighing softly. "It's just..." Frustrating. But Lacus was real. Athrun was real. Cagalli was real. It grounded him. _They_ grounded him. Their voices. Their touch. He needed that now. He hated it, but he needed it. Time, he also needed to give himself time.  
It could not all be a nightmare.

"Do you want to go somewhere else?"

He hesitated. Simply put, the answer was probably yet. He stamped down on it and shook his head anyway. "I've missed them, too."

He would face this. He had nothing to fear.  
The nightmare had to end.

"Kira! Come over here!"

He forced a smile at Cagalli's words, turning towards her voice. Athrun took his arm and wordlessly led him over. The kids scrambled towards him, and cautiously Kira knelt. Someone hugged him, and someone else gasped. A hand came up, touching his eyepatch, and he heard Athrun start to say something. He did not hear it, though, as he forced down his own desire to panic. He knew these voices, the touches, the laughter; there was _nothing to be afraid of_.

So why was he sweating?

"Okay, everyone, it's time for bed. We can play tomorrow."

"Aww, but Miss Lacus, we just got back! We want to play with you and Kira!"

"Now, now, we can play tomorrow. It's getting late, and you all need your rest."

Groans and complaints sounded, but Lacus was having none of it. It was not long before the room had been cleared, and Kira let some of the tension bleed from his body as he slumped forward.

"Kira?" Cagalli asked, her footsteps sounding on the old floorboards as she walked over. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm...yeah. I think I'm going to go to bed, though. I'm tired." Quiet. He needed quiet.

"I think I'll turn in too," Athrun hurriedly added. "It's been a long day, and we're all tired."

Part of Kira was glad for the company, but another part of him, a small but niggling part, just wanted to be left alone for a little while.

...but for the most part, he was glad he would not be alone. When he was alone with the quiet, that was when the nightmares truly closed in on him. Right now, he did not think he could handle more of that.

Bidding the others good night, he followed Athrun from the room. He knew that, even if he asked, the others would not leave him on his own. And that aside...he was resigned to needing the help. Independence seemed to grow further away with each day...


	6. Chapter 5

The following days were long and difficult for Kira. He found the noise stimulation from the children to be overwhelming. He had been getting used to tracking people through the noises they made, but now...now there was simply _too much noise_. How was he supposed to follow one person walking, when three children ran by laughing and yelling?

...Cagalli had invited him, twice, to attend a dinner with the other representatives, but he had refused on both counts, despite knowing that he should go. He also knew Cagalli would keep asking until he agreed, or shot her down completely. She as stubborn, and he was Admiral Yamato; he should be there for a meeting of state.

If only he could.

He had expected his ...situation to improve while on Earth, and truthfully, being able to track the others' locations through footsteps was a big help. When it was just a few people, especially his close friends, it was better. He was getting better at locating them, did not need to be guided nearly as often, and felt a lot more like himself overall.

...add in a few others, though, and it became a mess of sensory overload. He lost track of people, panicked at light touches, and got lost, both in reality and inside his own head. The terror that clenched at his gut so often left him feeling nauseated and without appetite, and his self-loathing at his own weakness left him frustrated and tired.

Footsteps sounded behind him, followed by a familiar voice. "Kira, it’s Lacus.” He would know her voice anywhere, of course, but the sentiment was appreciated. “I wondered if you would care to accompany Cagalli and I into town."

Lacus. Oh, how he loved her. She was always there for him, her quiet support irreplaceable at this point. Athrun, too. And his family, for that matter—Cagalli inclusive, of course. Really, everyone was great, but Lacus and Athrun most of all. They never asked for anything, and gave so much. At times, it was frustrating because he did not want to hold them back.

...or to wind up as their pet project.

Why were his emotions so out-of-sorts? He hated it. Why did he have to be so helpless? So...pathetic? He was worrying them. It wasn't right.

"I think I'll pass, Lacus," he replied quietly, turning away from the ocean to angle his head towards her. He was sitting out on the porch, currently, enjoying the breezing blowing in from the ocean, something that could be enjoyed from anywhere in Orb. The mansion happened to have a wonderful balcony overlooking the ocean, and he was often found here, enjoying the breeze and...listening. He remembered the view, too, more-or-less, and he drew up images to enjoy in his mind. It was better than thinking about the war, at any rate.

Kira found that as the days wore on, his hearing and sense of smell were both improving. He was far better at pinpointing locations, and with that was coming an increased sense of freedom. The problem was, that felt like all that was good. The improved hearing was a double-edged sword at times, too many noises crippling him as he struggled to sort through them. He felt like he was going to lose himself often, the sensory overload simply too much.

...so, going to town was out of the question.

Her footsteps sounded once more, softly on the wooden planks, and then her hand was on his knee as she knelt beside him. Kira reached down to take her hand. Giving it a squeeze.

"Lacus..."

"Kira, you mustn't continue on this way. If you continue to hide away, you are simply opening yourself to more grief."

"I...I can't, Lacus."

"If you don't do anything, you wind up doing less than nothing."

Her voice was soft, but the way his own words echoed back in it caused his breath to hitch. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? She was, and she was right. He was giving up. His shoulders dropped, and he hung his head. She always knew exactly what to say.

"I...I know. You're right, Lacus, but...not yet. I'm not ready, yet."

"Of course, Kira. I understand. I will be here for you, no matter what." _And no matter when_ went unspoken.

"I know. Thank you, Lacus." And he meant it.  
~  
"You sure we should be doing this?" Cagalli asked for the third time. Lacus smiled.

"If we continually hover over Kira, he will be unable to sort things out for himself. We must give him a chance to do so."

"I know. I mean, I get it. But I'm worried about him."

Lacus said nothing, leaving her silence to speak for her. After a moment, Cagalli scoffed. "Let's go. I could use a day free from stuffy politicians."

"Is there anywhere you would like to go?"

"We deserve ice cream. There's a sundae shop downtown that you need to try! They have a challenge. If you finish the whole thing, you get another one free. I bet if we team up..."

The trip into town was filled with much the same, the two exchanging idle chatter as they made their way downtown. Orb was full of life, the signs of the war not deterring the populace from frequenting the streets. Everywhere, cleanup crews bustled, trying their best to make right what the wars had done to the beautiful nation. It was heartening to see the resilience of these fine folks in action.

"The shop is right over there, Lacus."

Nodding, she wandered off a bit, crossing the street to get to the store across from where the blonde had indicated. Cagalli followed, her boots thumping off the asphalt loudly. They had both dressed somewhat casually, though Cagalli had taken it to a different level, clearly enjoying the chance to shed formal wear. An army vest, combat boots, and cargo pants made up the blonde's outfit. Lacus herself had settled for a light, purple sundress and sandals. Cool and practical.

"Lacus?"

"There was a book I read once, as a child," she replied, pulling open the door to the used book store. A rare breed, in these days of electronics. She had always enjoyed having something physical, though, and curiosity had gotten the best of her, here. "I wonder if they have a copy. I should so enjoy to reread it."

"Why not just download it?"

Turning to face Cagalli, Lacus smiled softly. "Perhaps, but I have always enjoyed reading books on paper. What about yourself?"

"I...never gave it much thought. Holograms are more convenient."

"But there is an...air to books that they cannot provide." Walking down an aisle, Lacus allowed her fingers to ghost over the leather-bound spines. "Do you not agree?"

"I...guess I never gave it much thought."

Lacus let the issue drop, instead choosing to take her time and enjoy the old store. It smelled of must, ink, paper, dust, and even a touch of mildew. She was not about to complain, though. It was a relaxing mix.

The two spent nearly an hour in the store, discussing old titles they had read and enjoyed, and skimming over books neither had even heard of. Lacus did not find the book she had sought, but she did leave with two new purchases.

"Now can we get ice cream?" Cagalli all but pleaded. Realising how long her friend had been patiently waiting, Lacus quickly agreed, the two crossing back across to their previous destination.

...it was a mistake to allow Cagalli to order, Lacus decided a few minutes later, when the massive sundae was dumped down in front of them by two waitresses. Two.

"I am not certain—"

"Oh, come on Lacus! It's fun! You can't say it doesn't look amazing, either."

"I...no, it does look quite delicious. There is simply..." Enough to feed them, plus their boyfriends, and maybe the rest of the Three Ships Alliance. And all of Terminal, for that matter. "...plenty to enjoy."

Cagalli laughed, brandishing her ladle with gusto. "Last one done her side has to eat the free one!"

The two laughed together as they tucked in. Few words were exchanged while they ate, and even those tapered off as they focussed more on eating and less on talking. In the end, they did not stand a chance against the sundae, giving up less than halfway through.

"I still beat you," Cagalli claimed, a victory Lacus conceded with a wave of one hand. She felt too full to even talk. She never ate fit to bursting. It was...an exciting feeling, though perhaps one she never wanted to experience again. Therefore, no need to get Cagalli feeling competitive.

"What shall we do next?" she asked instead. Aside from digest, of course. Lacus did not think she would be fit to move for at least a few more minutes.

Cagalli looked contemplative for a moment. "Your turn to pick."

"Shopping," she said gleefully after a moment. Cagalli tried and failed to hold in a grimace. Lacus' brow furrowed. "If you do not want to—"

"No, it's fine—!” Cagalli cut in hurriedly. “I could use a few things myself, so let's just go."

They left the shop a few minutes later, once they felt fit to move again, and dragged themselves slowly down the street towards the closest mall. They hit a few local shops, both of them grabbing some necessities. At long last, however, they found their way to Lacus' favourite clothing store, Coastal, a shop specialising in Orb fashion.

Cagalli bore with it, even allowing Lacus to shove her into a few outfits. It was clear the blonde's patience was being tried, but Lacus truly appreciated the effort nonetheless. Lacus even talked her into picking up a couple of items.

After all, she was bound to get back together with Athrun soon.

For herself, Lacus found picking to be more than a little difficult. Truthfully, she always enjoyed the process of looking and trying on to be more satisfying than actually acquiring the garments. There was a missing element, however, and it was difficult to shake the feeling.

She emerged from the dressing room, dressed in her sixth outfit. Cagalli sighed, her boredom clear, making Lacus realise that it was high time she stop beating around the bush and simply pick.

"Is it...?"

"It's fine, Lacus. You look great in anything."

"You sound like Kira," she smiled, "do you think he will like it, t—" She cut herself off, jaw clicking shut as the stupidity of her words hit. The both froze up, neither willing to say anything for a long moment.

"He...would have— _will_! Yeah. He'll like it," Cagalli said, her words starting off weak, but finishing strong. Lacus offered her a thankful smile.

"I think so, too."

~

Despite their best efforts to work passed it, the elephant had been spotted. Silence settled between them as the two girls paid for their purchases and left the store. They were both wrapped up in their own thoughts, but it did not take Cagalli long to grow annoyed with the silence. These issues had to be dealt with, not ignored.

"What are we gonna do, Lacus? We can't keep doing nothing."

Her friend was a long time in responding, but Cagalli gave her the silence to consider her words carefully. Eventually, Lacus stopped walking, turning to face her with a look of pure conviction.

"We must help him."

Cagalli was speechless for a moment—but only a moment. "I...that's obvious, Lacus. I think the problem is _how_ we can help him."

"Kira must learn independence again." Who knew Lacus was the queen of stating the obvious. "I think the best way to do that may be through the unfamiliar."

It took her words a long moment to sink in. The unfamiliar? Wouldn't that just make him more nervous? Confused, she shrugged. "What do you have in mind?" Because as odd as the comment was, she trusted Lacus' judgement.

"Kira is...very talented at all he does, but he is stubborn, and he has some difficulty adapting to certain situations."

That was true, Cagalli agreed with a nod. Kira was the sort who preferred to mould his environment to suit him. He liked to have a say in all he did, and did not respond well to losing that control. As he grew older, he had become better at adapting, but, well, she had made him admiral for a reason. Well, several, but that was one of them.

"I agree. So, what's your plan?"

"Many of Kira's hobbies are...simply not possible as he is now. I have the utmost confidence in his ability to someday learn to make the most of what he has remaining, and I have no doubt he will return to programming, but for the moment, I suspect it would be easiest on him to teach him something entirely new."

Cagalli turned the words over, considering them. Her initial reaction was to reject them. How could dumping him in an entirely new situation help? Wouldn't that be more stressful? As she thought more, though, Cagalli could see some truth to the words. Kira's current line of work, while not impossible blind, would be incredibly difficult. While he might someday return to that work, she could see a long, complex road for him to do so. A road that would be wrought with trials and challenges, and that...a new hobby, one that was easier, might expedite.

...because before he could return to being the Kira from before, he needed to learn to be the Kira of now. He needed to learn to be blind.

"I...think I get it. Did you have an idea?"

"Kira enjoys flying mobile suits. He dislikes combat, but I know he loves the feeling of weightlessness and the freedom they give him," Lacus said. It was not on idea, but an explanation. Cagalli waited patiently for the rest. "I have given some thought about what might give that back to him, something you and I, and perhaps Athrun, can join him in..."

Cagalli's first reaction to the suggestion was surprise, but she quickly found herself nodding along. That might work.

...providing they could get him to agree.


	7. Chapter 6

"No, don't put it there! Cagalli!" Miriallia, he thought.

"I don't know, Mir. I don't think it looks too bad..." Kira perked up at that voice. Sai was here? He hadn't seen his old friend in months.

"It looks garish. I don't think we should use it at all, never _mind_ over the main table. You have to agree, Sai. You wouldn't dream of putting something like that over the header to a website, now would you?"

"Er, well...I suppose not..."

"Well then," Cagalli huffed, followed by the sound of something heavy being tossed to the floor, "let's see you do better."

"With my eyes closed," Miriallia retorted. He could all but hear the smugness in her voice. "Give me that."

"I think it all looks stupid. Who the hell uses that much blue, anyway?" _Yzak_?

"We do, thank you very much." Cagalli again, sounding annoyed. "It's better than that red you're so fond of."

"Okay you two, settle down. We don't need to start another war." Dearka, then. If Yzak was here, that was not really a surprise.

"Dearka, that's not really..." Athrun was in there, too. That was a relief, at least. Kira's hand tightened on the doorknob he was holding. He had eavesdropped long enough.

"It still looks stupid."

"Yzak..." Dearka sighed.

"We do need more colours," Miriallia agreed.

Cagallia snorted, the sound softened by the door. "I'm going to get Lacus. At least _she_ has taste."

The voice, Kira realised, was close. Releasing the doorknob, he took a step back, though not in time. Cagalli, full of her usual vigour and energy, burst through the door, catching Kira full-on. With a yell, he careened backwards, hand flailing as he sought to catch himself on _something_. Instead, the back of his thigh hit...something that he swore had not been there before. A loud crash sounded an instant before he hit the floor in a tangle of limbs and...table, maybe? He groaned softly.

"Shit! Kira!"

"Kira?"

"What happened?"

"I don't—Kira!"

The footsteps and voices blurred together, but Kira barely registered any of it. His ribs ached from the impact, and his right arm was positively throbbing.

"Kira, I'm so, so sorry!" Definitely Cagalli. "I didn't know you were there. I'm so sorry."

He used his good arm to lever himself up, and then too many pairs of hands were on him, try to help him up, and he flinched. A silence fell over everyone, he still had no idea _who_ everyone was, and he braced his hand on the floor, pushing himself into a sitting position.

Frustration boiled within him. He tried, for an instant, to tell himself that this could have happened to anyone. He had been walking backwards, so even a sighted person could have hit that table, or whatever it was, but he knew it was not true.

If he could see, he would have known it was _there_.

"Kira, here," Athrun, "let me." He slapped the hand that touched him, and Athrun recoiled. "Kira?"

"Don't. Just...don't," he muttered, reaching back again.

"Kira, there's glass." Miriallia's voice was quiet, but it stopped him.

Of course, the crash he had heard. He mentally swore, but stopped trying to get up. This time, he did not fight it when Athrun caught his wrist and helped to pull him up. Back on his feet, he stumbled slightly, then straightened, not daring to move. He had no idea how close people were, and he did not want a repeat collision.

Torii, who had been dislodged from his shoulder when he fell, flapped back, settling on him with a chirp. Still nobody moved. They were, he realised, waiting for him to move first.

"It's okay, Cagalli," he said, collecting himself and forcing a lighter tone. He did not want to ruin the fun...no, he had wanted to join in on it, "it was just an accident." He tried for a smile, though he knew it came out weak.

"Kira...!"

"Oaf!" he grunted when his sister collided with him—there was no one else it would be. Staggering, he wrapped an arm around her. "Wha...?"

"I'm sorry."

Athrun was the first to break, a soft chuckle escaping him. A few other, nervous chuckles followed, and then someone snorted.

"Okay, seriously. He fell down. He's not broken, right Kira?"

Kira hesitated, then smiled more honestly. "Still mostly in one piece, Yzak."

"Then let's go. This party's tonight, and I dunno about you, but I'm partying at eighteen-hundred whether these decorations are up or not."

"Yzak's right," Dearka agreed. "Let's get this over with so we can drink."

His suggestion was greeted with a round of laughter and enthusiastic agreement. Kira found the redirection of the conversation to be far more bearable than the previous focus.

"I still think we need Lacus," Cagalli muttered. "Don't break my brother while I'm gone!"

"No, we'll leave that to you and that table. Can't kill him on the battlefield, but apparently he's a walking disaster in the house."

"Yzak!" at least three distinct voices exclaimed.

The first chuckle that escaped Kira surprised even him. The second had him hissing in pain as it jarred his ribs, but that did not stop the third and fourth from breaking free. They left him doubled over, gasping in pain but still fighting the laughter threatening to break free.

...damn, it felt so good not be coddled, and instead simply treated as another member of the group. Right now, he could imagine little that would make him happier. He could feel a small smile quirking at the corners of his lips. Who would have thought that Yzak, of all people, would be able to cheer him up?

"The mighty Freedom, grounded by his big sister." An elbow bumped him lightly to accompany Athrun's words, and before long, everyone was laughing, the merriment contagious.

"Sure guys, right. Make fun of me." There was no heat to Cagalli's words, though. "Fine. Lacus will side with me."

Kira listened as she stomped off, the anger, he knew, more for show than anything else. Rubbing his aching cheeks, Kira straightened, trying to catch his breath. Laughing hurt, but it was so, so worth it. All of a sudden, he felt better than he had in days. Laughing off the accident was so much better than being fussed over. When _had_ he last felt like this? He found himself clinging to the feeling, not wanting to lose it.

"What can I do to help?" he asked, emboldened by the events.

"Tell Cagalli her decorating sense is shit!"

“Can’t. It’s so stunning it blinded me.”  


Silence, then someone barked a laugh.  


“You’re all right, Yamato,” Yzak said. “You’re all right.”

~

Lacus watched with a warm smile as her friends put the finishing touches on the room. Kira looked...better than he had in days. Surrounded by friends, he did not seem to mind accidental jostles nearly as much as he did with strangers. More so, he seemed to be adapting, and already his movements were more confident. Certainly, he was still nothing like the Kira of before, but he was getting there. Logically, she knew that he was simply having a good day, and that he would likely crash again before long, but for now, she wanted to cling to the moment and enjoy it while it was here. He deserved it. Aside from that, there would be more of these. There had to be. She believed in his ability to pull through this. The bad days might outnumber the good right now, but with time and help, that would change.  
She believed in him.

"Kira, catch!"

"Yzak!" Lacus giggled softly when Dearka brained his friend with a cookie tray.

“I should have you court marshalled for that," Yzak threatened.

For his part, Kira did not even look up from where he was very carefully stacking cups, Sai at his side as the two talked quietly about something she could not overhear.

"Aah!"

"Cagalli!" Miriallia yelped, dropping the streamers she had been carrying to rush over. The blonde had overbalanced on the step ladder she was using to hang that awful banner.

...not that Lacus would tell her it was awful, but it was; garish, and entirely too sparkly. But if it made Cagalli happy, that was what mattered.

Probably.

"It's a sign. That banner is a danger to everyone."

"Give it a rest, Yzak," Athrun retorted with a sigh. "Are you okay, Cagalli?"

By way of response, Cagalli grabbed one of the dropped streamers and hurled it at Yzak. It fell woefully short, prompting chuckles out of the onlookers.

"I hope you don't aim like that in a mobile suit,” Yzak sniped.

"Why you...!"

The chair next to Lacus shifted as Dearka dropped into it. "We should have brought Shiho along," he said, sighing. "Nobody handles him like she does."

Lacus giggled. "I think it's wonderful. So lively and cheerful. It has been far too long since we've had fun like this."

"You're right about that," he agreed. "I'm glad, you know. With how things turned out."

"I cannot be glad over the deaths of anyone, soldier or not, but I am glad the fighting has finally ceased. May this be the true end of it."

"Yzak's mad, you know, that you guys didn't contact us before. We could have helped."

"We did not have any proof," Lacus began after a moment. "There was reasonable doubt on all fronts, and without more solid evidence, we were reluctant to make any moves that might jeopardise our position unless absolutely necessary. Yzak's position made a security leak a very real possibility. So, we left it at that, trusting you to see the truth of the matter when it came time to act.

"We very much appreciate your assistance."

Dearka chuckled, shaking his head. "I know all that. It's Yzak you have to worry about. He's the one complaining, not me."

"Is that so?" Lacus responded, a small quirk on her lips. "Well, please tell him all that I have said, and give him my apologies and my thanks."

"He knows too," Dearka said casually, shrugging. "He just likes to complain."

The door opened behind them, and Lacus rose, turning to face it. One of the children popped his head in, a big smile on his face.

"See, told you I could find them!"

"You did," said a young man. He stepped into the room, taking in the organsied chaos with a small smile. Lacus recognised him as another or Kira's friends, Kuzzey. "Thank you, Roy."

The little one offered him a playful salute, then dashed off to where Kira's parents and the good reverend would be watching them all night.

"Uh, Lacus? Lacus Clyne?" he asked. "Where's...?"

She indicated the far table with a sweep of her hand. Kira had turned at the commotion, and he was clearly curious. It seemed nobody had told him about some of the people being invited tonight.

Well, it was a nice surprise for him.

"Kira..."

"Kuzzey?"

"Kuzzey, hey."

"Sai, you're here too?"

The three met up partway down the room, and Lacus smiled. It only took a moment for Miriallia to run over, the four quickly wandering off, chatting amiably.

This was good for Kira, she had no doubt of that. More than that, it was good for everyone. They needed to celebrate life and living right now, after seeing so much death. They all needed this.

Even her.


	8. Chapter 7

"Why are we here?" Shinn asked, for what felt like the hundredth time. Lunamaria responded by simply sighing and pressing on. The Hawke sisters had come to the party with him, and they were making no secret of the fact that he was starting to annoy them both. Even Shinn had to admit that he was probably being somewhat frustrating, but what were they doing here? This party was obviously for the Archangel's crew. He didn't belong— _they_ didn’t belong.

"C'mon in!" An enthusiastic child greeted them at the door, a bright grin on his face as he held the way open for them, though effectively blocked the doorway by standing in it. "The party's in through here."

"Aidan, let them pass."

"Huh?" the boy said, though after a moment’s hesitation he stepped away anyway.

Shinn's eyes followed the boy's, quickly finding the speaker, a poised, older looking fellow with a gentle smile.

"My apologies," the man continued, waving them in, "the children are simply enthusiastic after so many gloomy days. They won't bother you, though. Come on in."

"You must be Reverend Malchio," Meyrin chimed in. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Meyrin, and this is my sister, Lunamaria, and our friend, Shinn."

"Yes, of course. Lacus and Kira spoke highly of you. I'm glad you could make it."

Spoke highly of them? Shinn doubted that, at least for himself. Even if Lacus was only half as nice as she acted, he might believe it of her, but not Kira. There was just no way.

"We're glad to come. Thank you for inviting us," Lunamaria said. A moment later, an elbow jabbed into Shinn's gut, and he sputtered.

"Uh, yeah. Thanks."

"It's our pleasure. Head on in."

As they walked, Shinn soaked in the scenery. The house screamed wealth. Ornate pictures and wall hangings decorated the walls, many showing people and scenes Shinn could not even hope to place. Even the wallpaper looked like it cost more than a decent car.

An expensive looking side table approached, a gilded mirror hanging over it. Meyrin paused, patting at her hair, and Shinn rolled his eyes as he stopped to wait. Girls. Lunamaria kept on ahead, but even she stopped dead after a moment, staring hard at a picture on the wall.

"Shinn, come look at this."

Curious, he pressed on, stopping at her side, in front of a heavily-framed image. "What is it?"

"Look."

He did, eyes scanning the image curiously. It showed a group of people on flight suits standing at military attention. One of the two figures in ZAFT red jumped out quickly, his blue hair marking him Athrun. At Athrun's left was...Kira, probably, wearing the uniform of the Earth Alliance. On Athrun's other side was a woman in the flight suit of Orb, and it took Shinn only a moment to realise it was none other than Cagalli.

Other faces were present, too. A group of girls he had never seen. The second ZAFT pilot was a blond man he thought he might have spotted on the Archangel, only younger and less banged up; a name eluded him.

Beneath the photo, a golden inscription was painted on the wall:

Our pilots  
May Haumea watch over their souls  
September 23nd, CE 71

"This is..." he breathed softly. Luna simply hummed in response. The date set it at the day everything went to hell.

"If you're not going to keep walking, at least get out of _our_ way."

Shinn jumped slightly at the new voice, whirling on the speaker. Two men and a woman stood just behind them, all three carrying trays laden with food. The speaker was evidently one of the men, a scowl on his face. His stunning white hair marked him as...

"C-Commander Joule?" Shinn asked, jumping clumsily to attention and nearly tripping over his own feet in the process. This was a soldier he respected. There were few enough of those as it was without looking quite so incompetent in front of this one.

The blond man sniggered. "Better be careful, Commander. You might have a liability if he hurts himself."

Shinn's expression darkened immediately, and all thoughts of trying to be acknowledged by Yzak Joule fled. "What's that supposed to mean?" he snapped.

Joule ignored them both, instead looking past them at the photo. "You look like an idiot who just pissed himself, Dearka."

"Eloquent as always, Yzak," the blond said, sighing.

"Careful, Yzak," the girl replied, a coy smirk on her lips, "you keep pissing him off, and you might lose the only friend you have."

"It won't be a loss, Shiho," Joule retorted. None of the three seemed to care in the slightest that the three younger soldiers were staring at them in dumbfounded silence. "Seriously, what's with the stupid look on your face?"

The blond, Dearka, sobered, stepping up and peering at the photo. "We were just about to launch. We knew what was coming, and, fuck, if we had failed..."

"What, scared?"

"Lay off, Yzak. Nucs we coming for the PLANTs, and if we hadn't made it in time, a lot of people would have died. So yeah, we were fuckin' scared. Athrun wasn't exactly any better. Neither were Kira or Cagalli. Or any of us. And to think, Blue Cosmos tried it again, and again Athrun and Kira stopped it."

"We helped, no thanks to them _asking_ ," the commander muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Didn't Lacus talk to you about that?" Dearka asked, seemingly curious.

"I'm not interested in excuses! They owe us one, and they better know it."

Both Dearka and Shiho smiled, looking amused, and Shinn just felt more confused. Whatever. He didn't need to understand them. The topic of conversation was interesting, though. He had heard a great deal of the Second Battle of Jachin Due in his classes, and had even spoken to ZAFT survivors of it, and one or two alliance soldiers. This was his first time hearing any sort of testimony from the group caught in the middle, however. The Three Ships Alliance had seemingly dropped off the face of the planet and PLANTs after the war, and now...here he was, seemingly caught dead in the heart of that group.

"I'll be sure to let them know." Somehow, Dearka did not sound at all sincere. "Now, can we get back to the party?"  
"Yeah, yeah," Yzak muttered, waving one hand. "Don't get your underwear in a knot. They better know they owe us for this, too. I’m not some errand boy.”  
“I dunno, Yzak. It’s that or maid,” Shiho shot at him, making Dearka snicker.

Shinn exchanged a look with his friends as the three began heading away, still bantering as they walked. More footsteps sounded behind them a moment later, and he turned to see who was coming this time.

"Oh, Captain...!" he said, genuine surprise on his features as he caught sight of two familiar faces, Talia and Arthur, as well as a young boy.

From a few metres ahead, the ZAFT elites stopped, glancing back. Dearka gave Talia a nod of acknowledgement, while Yzak rolled his eyes and stalked off without a word. Talia merely chuckled.

"Shinn, Lunamaria, Meyrin, it's good to see you all looking well."

"Thank you, Captain," Lunamaria replied. "It's good to see the two of you as well. And is this your son?"

"Moooooom," the boy whined, tugging on his mother's hand, "this is boring. I wanna go play."

"In a moment, sweetie," Talia said, an uncharacteristically fond smile on her lips. "And I suppose that answers your question, Lunamaria."

"Yes, ma'am!"

"Please, just Talia will do. We aren't on duty, here."

"Yeah, why _are_ you here?" Shinn asked.

"The same reason you are, I imagine: we were invited."

"You were? Really?" Meyrin asked, seemingly surprised.

"Uh, yes. Captain Ramius invited us herself," Arthur chimed in, speaking for the first time. "I was pretty surprised! I hadn't thought they would consider us...is friends the right word?"

Arthur seemed to be musing aloud, and they all left him to it, a smile quirking at the Captain's lips in response to his ramblings. "I admit, I was surprised also," she said. "But not displeased. These people are...not what I was expecting."

"Excuse me, Miss Gladys?"

They all turned, surprised, to face the man from earlier. "Uh, yes, that's me."

"My name is Reverend Malchio. I believe we promised that your son could spend the night with the other children."

"Oh, ye—"

"Yeah!" the boy exclaimed, slipping out of his mother's grasp. "Can I go now, Mom? Please?"

Talia watched, smiling fondly. "Okay. But Archie, you behave and do what the Reverend tells you."

"I will, mom!" he said, snatching a bag Shinn had not even seen Talia holding and racing off after the newcomer.

"With all do respect, ma'am, do you think this is wise?"

Talia glanced over at Arthur, then shrugged. "These people have no reason to hurt. I'm going to trust them." And that was the end of it. Turning, she continued off down the hall without another word.  
After a moment’s pause, Shinn hurried after them, the footsteps of the Hawke sisters sounding seconds later as they followed. 

~

Kira was stressed, despite his best efforts not to show it. The music, while not outrageously loud, was still a burden on his sensitive hearing, and all of the people moving and talking made it difficult to ground himself. How was he supposed to know where anyone was? Or even where he was, for that matter? He couldn’t, it was as simple as that. 

He tried to keep out of the way, but he still found himself being jostled and bumped accidentally with alarming frequency. It just...it was _not_ possible to tell where people were, and it was making him reluctant to move. Aside from that, too much noise was making it difficult to tell who was who. He recognised the voices of nearly everyone present, when conversing one-on-one or in a small group, but this group was not small, and it was downright impossible to pick out individuals, or their locations.

He started out the night trying to be social. With Lacus' help, he greeted the first groups to arrive, both nervous and happy to be reuniting with so many people on peaceful terms at long last. He knew that if not for his...disability, there would be no reason to taint the night with any unease.

He had tried to keep up the happy attitude, talking and laughing with dear friends, some he had not seen in years. It had not lasted, however, and he had gradually begun retreating in on himself in a sort of self defence mechanism.

...the more people that had arrived, the worse it had gotten. Lacus had stuck by his side throughout the night, greeting people loudly and by name, but it was quickly failing to be enough. There were too many people, and it was too disorienting; it nauseated him.

Honestly, the worst of it was not even the jostling, the confinement, or the blazing senses heightened by far too many hours spent in battle. The worst of it was...the gasps; the stammered, awkward apologies when people realised who they had bumped into. He was not an invalid to be coddled, and even Lacus' arm through his was starting to feel more stifling than comforting, and the knowledge that he needed it did not help.

He wanted to flee. He wanted to get away, to retreat somewhere safe where he did not have to be surrounded by so many people who thought he was broken. It was the pity that was the worst.

...or so he told himself.

It was difficult to believe, however, with how he jumped at any and all loud noises. How was he supposed to stop that, though? _How_? It wasn't like he could _see_ the cause of the noise, so of course he would be wary of it. That was perfectly understandable! Nobody could tell him otherwise. It just made sense!

Of course it did!

Kira did not even know what he was trying to reason to himself any more. He just wanted...he wanted things to be normal again, though he knew that could never be. It didn't hurt to wish, did it? It couldn't.

Kira was jostled out of his thoughts when a hand landed on his. He jerked back with a gasp, though Lacus' hold on him prevented him from getting very far.

"Kira? It's only me." The hurt in Lacus' tone was well concealed, but he could hear it anyway. "I was asking if you wanted to go somewhere else."

Pity. Concern. Worry. Things he did not need. He wanted to be _normal_. He wanted to be his confident self again, and he had not tried this hard, come this far, to spiral out of his tightly controlled self restraint now! He would prove to everyone, himself most of all, that he was still the same person.

"No, Lacus. I want to stay here." His words were perhaps a bit harsher than he intended, but she said nothing. He felt bad instantly. Turning his hand in hers, he linked their fingers together. "I have to. For myself, too." Because he ran and hid too much lately. If nobody spent time with him, nobody saw his weakness. It was infallible logic, but it did nothing to help him really _get past_ this funk.

"Okay, Kira," her words were as quiet as the cacophony of the room allowed, "but please, don't push yourself."

"Kira!" Cagalli. He perked up a bit at her voice, turning his head in the direction of the sound. The rustle of fabric, and footsteps of people hurriedly moved to clear a path for the princess, moved closer until a panting person stopped in front of them. "Here you are! The people from the Minerva showed up! You should come meet Captain Gladys. I mean...meet her properly. I guess you met once before..."

Kira inhaled deeply through his nose, picking up, amongst the countless perfumes and colognes, the familiar scent of Lacus' rose-scented body wash, and Cagalli's own lavender shampoo. The scents were familiar and comforting, and he allowed them to calm him at the prospect of meeting new people.

...at least new people had no expectations for him. Not like the rest of his friends.

"Well, let's go, then," he agreed, forcing a smile. Just a little longer and he would be able to get out of this with grace.

So much for parties being fun.

~

Lacus held tightly to Kira's arm as they followed Cagalli out into the hallway outside the room. Kira's behaviour was worrying her more and more with each passing day. He tried so hard to hide it, but it was obvious to all of his closest friends that he was starting to cave under the pressures he was putting on himself. He wanted so badly not to be a burden on any of them, but he refused to accept that that could never be true. After all he had done, all of them would be more than happy to help him, and they would never see him as a burden.

He was just too used to being the one everyone depended on.

They needed to do something, she knew. Aside from basic physical examinations, Kira had not seen any specialists, and once tonight was over, Lacus had every intention of setting him up with some—for one thing, he needed a darn walking aid. Being able to move more freely would help him feel more confident. Right now, he desperately needed that, regardless of whether he would admit it or not.

For tonight, though, all she could do was support him.

It was all any of them could do.

"Kira, Lacus, Captain Gladys of the Minerva, and her second, Arthur Trine."

"It's wonderful to meet you both," Lacus said, offering her hand to be shaken.

Kira, with his right arm still in a sling, and his left in Lacus', settled for a nod. "Athrun has talked a lot about you both."

"Good things, I hope," Arthur said, chuckling awkwardly.

"Athrun has never said an unkind word," Lacus assured, smiling warmly. "He thinks highly of you both."

"Well, that's a relief. With how things ended between us..." Arthur continued, looking pensive. Thankfully, Talia stopped him from saying more.

"So, Kira Yamato, isn’t it? It's good to finally meet you properly."

Kira's grip on Lacus' arm tightened almost imperceptibly. "Same goes for me, Miss Gladys." What was he thinking? Was he remembering the accident? "I'm afraid the circumstances of our first meeting left a lot to be desired."

"You saved my life, and gave up so much to try to save Rey. I owe you a debt I can never repay."

Kira shook his head. "Athrun and I only did what anyone would have done."

Talia smiled, though Kira could not see it. "I wish that was true."

Awkward silence fell. Kira's grip on her had not slackened, and Lacus tried not to let her concern show. This tension was not like him. She needed to bring him back. Despite holding a normal conversation, she knew he was not all with them; his mind was elsewhere.

"Captain Gladys!" Lacus tried not to let her worry show when Kira jumped at the new voice. She gave his hand a squeeze. "It's good to see you."

"Captain Ramius, you as well."

"Please, Murrue is fine."

"Then I insist you call me Talia."

The two women shared a smile, and Lacus found herself smiling at them, also.  
"I am sorry about...what happened," Talia offered.

Kira frowned at the apology. Lacus pulled his hand into hers, rubbing her thumb over the back of it reassuringly.

"It was unavoidable," Kira replied.

Before anyone could say anything, Lacus judged it best to change the subject. She did not want anyone upsetting him more than he already was, and this topic could go nowhere else. Besides, there was something she wanted to talk to Talia about, so she quickly jumped in.

"Miss Gladys? There was a matter I was hoping to discuss with you. Would you and Mister Trine be willing to meet with us later?"

Clearly intrigued, she looked between Lacus and Kira, then glanced to Murrue, who nodded. Lacus smiled warmly.

"I...suppose we could manage that. You were kind enough to host us, after all. Arthur?"

"Er, um, yes! Yes, of course!"

"It's settled, then," Cagalli said, nodding.

"Would you care for the grand tour in the meantime?" Murrue offered.

Talia raised one eyebrow, clearly uncertain for the moment. Then she smiled with a nod. "That sounds wonderful."  
Freeing her hand from Kira’s, Lacus shook both Arthur’s and Talia’s hands before bidding them, and Murrue, farewell for the time being. The two women wandered off with a sputtering Arthur in tow, and Lacus giggled softly, glancing over at Kira—and stopped. He had been strangely quiet, and she had not noticed. She could have kicked herself. She was usually far more observant than that. Now, he was attempting uselessly to glare holes in the floor, or some such. He was also breathing heavily, and the knuckles of his good hand were white from clenching his fist too tight.

"Cagalli, I believe I see Athrun over there." Her words said one thing, her eyes another as she pointedly looked to Kira. Cagalli hesitated only a moment before nodding.

"I should go find him. Who knows what trouble he’ll cause without me," Cagalli pretended to grumble as she wandered off. The concerned glance she sent her brother’s way was completely lost on him, thankfully.

"Kira, would you be so kind as to step out with me for a moment? I could use some air."

He nodded without a word, allowing her to lead him from the room. Once again, Lacus found herself wondering just what was going through his head.


	9. Chapter 8

Athrun had spent most of the night catching up with Dearka and Yzak. Though Yzak pretended to hate him, they both knew they had a twisted sort of friendship. It was that same friendship that had them sitting around a table, sharing drinks. Yzak's girlfriend—and wasn't _that_ a strange concept—Shiho, joined them after a while. Miriallia stopping by a little later, and then the Hawke sisters, Shinn in tow, settled in a few minutes after that.

...it was not until Cagalli dropped into the chair next to him that things really got interesting, however.

"The room actually looks presentable. They must've let Kira take over. Even a blind man has better taste than you," Yzak quipped.

From his left, Cagalli all but spit. "Shut up, Joule. And don't bring my brother into this. That's not funny."

Before the argument could continue, Shinn slammed one hand down on the table. "That's actually true?"

"What're you whining about now?" Yzak griped, sighing at the interruption.

"It's true," Miriallia chimed in. "They're twins."

"No way. I mean, she's a _Natural_ and there's no way he is!"

"Shinn," Athrun sighed, "use your head."

"I'd been meaning to ask, who was adopted?" Meyrin asked, tilting her head slightly. Beside her, Lunamaria gasped.

"Meyrin! That's rude!"

Meyrin pouted, but kept her gaze on Cagalli. For her part, Cagalli chuckled.

"We both were, actually, just by different families."

"So, what the hell happened to your _actual_ parents?" Shinn demanded.

"They died, Shinn," Cagalli said evenly. "Don't bother asking me how, I don't really know the details. We were only babies."

"Who cares? It's your guys' business anyway," Dearka said, shrugging. "Kinda rude to drill you on it."

"Why the hell are you defending her?" Shinn demanded, drawing a snort out of Yzak, of all people.

"It's because their friends. What exactly is your problem with Cagalli, anyway? Did she pull some evil stunt I'm unaware of?"

"My family died in Orb!"

"So that's her fault? Excactly which of the thousands who died there were yours, anyway? Did she point a gun at them and shoot? Somehow, I doubt it. Wanna blame someone? Blame them for living there."

"Yzak, that's too much," Dearka hissed.

"Oh, lay off, Dearka. If he wants to be an idiot and blame her for this, someone’s gotta point that out. And it sure won’t be any of you. The way I see it, Cagalli was as much a victim of that war as anyone."

"I can't believe I'm agreeing with Yzak," Miriallia cut in, "but he's right. If you have some grudge against Cagalli, it's time to let it go."

"Well, if you're putting me on the spot, then I gotta agree too," Dearka said.

Athrun said nothing, but he reached over and took her hand, squeezing gently. The silent support was well received, as she returned the gesture.

"You guys..." Cagalli breathed, glancing around the table. "Thank you."

"Shinn, please...let this go," Lunamaria begged.

Meyrin looked up from the table, where she had been gazing uncertainly, to nod once.

"What the hell—even you guys? Why are you defending her?!" Shinn demanded, clearly feeling put-upon. Athrun could hardly blame him for that. "She's...!"

"A person. With feelings. Wants. Cares. Loves. Guilt. The same as anyone. If you want to start pointing fingers, can you justifiably do that knowing all the people, parents and brothers, sisters and cousins, grandchildren and lovers, you yourself have killed?

"...did I say something wrong?" Athrun asked, stopping his rant dead as over a dozen eyes settled on him.

Cagalli broke first, chuckling softly. "You sounded like Lacus."

"You really did, Miriallia replied, smirking. "She'd be proud, Athrun. Really."  
“I...was only speaking from experience.” He thought about it each and every day.

Silence fell over the group, then. Shinn was glaring at the table, though he at least seemed to be considering their words. Everyone else was quiet, sipping at their drinks and, perhaps, considering the words themselves—who amongst them had truly clean hands, anyway?  
It was Shiho, who had stayed silent until now, who broke it first. "Dance. You. Me. Floor. Now, Yzak." Not giving him a chance to object, she grasped his arm and yanked him up, dragging Yzak's struggling form off to the dance floor. Not in time, however.

"Bet I can out dance you, _Princess_."

Oh, damn...!

"Athrun, let's go!"

He was not given a chance to object as her hand closed over his wrist, and he was yanked from the chair and after the other couple.

~

"Well, that was lively," Miriallia commented, a small smirk on her lips as she watched the show move away from them. "Bet we could outdo any of them."

Her words did not seem to be aimed at anyone, but it was clear Dearka caught her meaning as he perked up, looking straight at her. She made no move to show she had noticed him noticing her comment, however, and simply took a sip of her punch.

"Are you ever going to drop this, Shinn?" Lunamaria asked, leaning forward over the table, her chin in one palm.

"...it's my _parents_ , Luna. How the hell am I supposed to just _let that go_?"

Miriallia scoffed. "Why not start by considering the fact that she lost not one but two families herself." It was a low blow, but whatever. The kid was ridiculous. "We all lost people. Athrun killed my boyfriend, you know. I don't hate him, because there's no point in doing so. We all did shit we aren't proud of. I know he's sorry, I forgave him and moved on. Now he's a good friend. If I'd chosen to hate him, to kill him...what would that have gotten me?" Now, she looked at Dearka. "Nothing. Nothing at all."

"Mir..." Dearka breathed, and she rolled her eyes.

"Don't get sappy on me. I'm not saying I'm glad I missed, but..."

The point was made, and he settled back, smirking. "You do still like me."

"Shove it, Elsman."

Shinn crushed his empty cup in one hand. Lunamaria reached over, taking it from his fist, and closed her hand over his. "Shinn..."

"What...it makes sense, what you're babbling about, but I can't just _let that go_!"

"Nobody is saying you have to be best friends with her, or even Kira, but at least try. Try, or you won't have any place in this group," she warned, standing. "Now, let's go, Elsman. Keep up, or I'll find someone else."

She did not look back at the pair of crimson eyes tracking her path to the dance floor.

~  
Lunamaria frowned sadly as Shinn fumed in silence. She wanted badly for him to see things their way, but she could not bring herself to disrespect his feelings. Shinn was battling with demons the likes of which she was thankful not to face herself.

...but even that degree of empathy was not enough to stop her from making new friends of these people. She understood his feelings, at least a well as could be expected in these circumstances, and it was _because_ of that fact that she also knew he needed to move past it. Honestly, it seemed as though Shinn knew that himself. He was actively trying to better himself, she could see it in everything he did, but it was very clearly difficult for him. So she had to be here to support him.

Someone had to.

"Why do you think he was defending her, Luna?"

It took her a moment to catch up, so lost in her own thoughts had she been. Who was he? Who was her, for that matter? She...Cagalli, probably. So...

"Yzak?"

Shinn shook his head. "Dammit, _all_ of them. Commander Joule, Athrun, Dearka...even your friend, Miriallia! They all..."

"They're her friends, Shinn," Lunamaria said quietly. To her side, Meyrin quietly excused herself, but Lunamaria barely noticed, her attention entirely on Shinn. "Of course they'd defend her."

"And you? Meyrin, too! You were _all_ defending her." The defeat in his tone twisted her heartstrings. Leaning over, she closed her hands over his, which were clenched on the table. "Why?"

"She's our friend too, Shinn. And..."

"You think I'm wrong," he supplied.

Hesitating only a moment, she finally nodded. Lying to him, or buttering it up, was not going to help. He needed the truth.

"I'm not saying there's no justification to how you feel, I can't begin to imagine how this feels to you, but I think you'd feel better if you could let it go. These are good people, people who are willing to give you a chance at being their friend, you just have to _forgive_ them."

"How do I do that, Luna?" he asked, his voice low and...tired. "I've been trying, but I can't. I _can't_."

"I...don't think I can tell you how to do that. Maybe, though...you need to ask yourself what's more important, now."

"What do you mean?"

"Which is it? An old grudge, or the future?"

" _Mayu_ —"

"I'm not asking about her. You can still love and value and respect your family without hating everyone with any connection to their deaths, though. Honestly, Shinn, is this really what they'd want?"

A long silence fell, with Shinn's eye boring holes into their hands. At long last, he drew back, hands slipping out from under hers. Dropping his head to them, he let out a long, shuddering breath.

"No."

They sat in silence for several minutes longer. After his admittance, Lunamaria wanted to give him the time to sort through his own feelings. Much to her relief, it was he who finally broke it first.

"Can we...find Yamato?"

A curious request, but she quickly nodded. "I know I've seen him and Miss Lacus around."

They left the table, then, taking their things and wandering off to search the room. It was large, spacious, and Lunamaria found herself wondering why on earth a house had a room this large, and what it was used for normally. Beneath the decorations, tables, and with all the people packed in, it wasn't immediately obvious.

The party itself was fairly large, though for the most part it seemed that a lot of the people knew one another. A few questions revealed that most of the partygoers were ships' crews, which she supposed was understandable. At least that was something they had in common with these strangers, she supposed.

After more than fifteen minutes of searching with no success, Lunamaria shrugged. "Maybe we should ask someone."

"Ask someone what?"

Turning, surprised, Lunamaria blinked in surprise at the man standing behind them. Tall, shaggy brown hair, a missing eye and arm...

"Commander Waltfeldt?"

"The one and only. Did you kids need something?"

"Yeah," Shinn said after a moment of Lunamaria staring, speechless. "Yamato and Lacus Clyne, do you know where they are?"

"Hm...gonna have to be more specific. There are three Yamatos here."

He was definitely toying with them, but Lunamaria humoured him anyway. "Kira."

"Hm...I think they were out on the balcony, last I saw them."

"Can you tell us where that is?" she asked.

"Hm...I'm not too sure they want to be disturbed. I think the kid was finding the party a bit much."

"Okay, we'll find them la—"

"No," Shinn cut her off, "it's important."

He eyed them both for moment, then gave a lopsided grin, shrugging. "Sure. I'll show you."

Surprised, it took Lunamaria a second to catch up. Then she offered a swift, short bow, dragging Shinn down too with a hand to the back of his head. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me, yet. You might still get chased off," he replied, turning away with a laugh.

The balcony, it turned out, was a fair ways from the party, requiring them to navigate a few long hallways. At one point, a little girl darted passed them, chased by a haggard looking woman, prompting a bark of laughter out of Andrew.

"Careful, Caridad, they'll get the better of you yet."

The harried woman simply offered a hand in wave as she raced down the hall.

"The kids wanted to come," Andrew told them by way of explanation. It really only brought up more questions, but neither she nor Shinn seemed inclined to ask, so they went unspoken.  
Before long, they were stopping in front of a large pair of glass doors. Through the doors, two figures could be seen, standing side-by-side under the artificial lighting.

"Here's my stop. You kids play nice, now!"

With that, the jovial man turned and strode off, not even giving them a chance to thank him properly. With a shrug, Lunamaria gestured to the door.

It slid open on silent runners when Shinn gave it a tug, but even still, Kira turned to look right at them—or, a little to the left of them, actually. Faced with that eyeless gaze, Lunamaria found herself hesitating. Not so for Shinn. He stepped onto the planks with conviction.

"Who's there?"

"It is—"

"Shinn. Shinn Asuka. Lunamaria Hawke is with me," Shinn cut in, breaking in over Lacus. "I was hoping to talk to you...Kira."

There was dead silence for a moment, and then Kira turned away. "Later. I'm not in the mood."

His response surprised Lunamaria. She had been under the impression he was a gentle, kind, and generally selfless young man. His response was cold, however, almost detached. Not at all what she had been expecting.

Shinn seemed to be in the same boat for a moment, but only a moment. His fire returned quickly, and he took another step forward.

"Hey! I came to this stupid party because _you_ invited me. Now I come up here to talk, and you tell me to go away? Forget it. I'm saying what I came to say, even if you're too weak to face me."

"Shinn!" She had not expected this. "Be nice. I thought...!"

"Leave." That single word sliced through their discussion, effectively cutting her off.

"Kira, perhaps they should be given a chance."

"They can have it later!" Kira's voice was raised, now, a strain in his tone evident.

The look Lacus sent them was one of...Lunamaria wanted to say fear, but somehow that did not seem quite right, nor did desperation. She seemed...stressed, however, like she did not want them to simply leave, but also like she wanted nothing more than for them to leave. "Would you kindly give us a moment?" was all Lacus said, however. Lunamaria nodded quickly, tugging a reluctant Shinn back inside.

Kira turned to face the door as it slid closed, and Lunamaria found it...strange. He was clearly trying to ensure they had gone, but how was he to know they had definitely left? Here they were, on the other side of a blatantly glass door...and he had no way to know that, short of asking Lacus. It made her shudder to think about it. She did not envy him.

They stood, silent and out of earshot, watching the discussion. Lacus knew they were there, but it was clear she did not mind their presence, because she never motioned for them to move further away, or even leave. It wasn't like there was much to see, anyway, the two were simply talking.

After several minutes, Lacus stepped away, walking to the door and pulling it open.

"Would it be possible for you to tell me what it is you wish to tell Kira?" she asked quietly. Looking at her, it was difficult not to see the look of sadness in those soft, blue eyes.

Looking to Shinn, Lunamaria nodded once, urging him to speak. This might be as good as they got.

It looked like he would object, but a sharp elbow to his ribs made him rethink that. Sputtering softly, Shinn sent her a glare as he rubbed the spot.

"Look, I didn't mean to start a fight," he finally said. "I just wanted to apologise for...all the shit I said to him. It wasn't fair."

Lacus smiled at that, the look touching her eyes this time. "I will tell him," she promised. "And thank you, Mister Asuka. I think it will do him good to hear that."

His words didn't really surprise her, but Lunamaria was still pleased by them. Reaching over, she caught his hand and squeezed. “Thank you, Miss Lacus. We appreciate it.”

“You do not need to thank me,” Lacus replied.

“So, why won’t he talk to us? What’s his problem tonight? This is _your_ party.” 

“Tactful as ever, Shinn,” Lunamaria sighed.

“Kira is simply finding the party stressful, and he wished to step away for a short while. We will be back shortly.”

“If he’s so stressed then you guys are doing a pretty crappy job of hosting a fun party.”

“Your ability to apologise never ceases to amaze me, Shinn,” Lunamaria sighed, rubbing her temples in an effort to relieve the headache that was suddenly threatening. 

“It’s true, though.”

“Yes, Shinn. You’ve noticed he’s blind. Congratulations,” she snapped sarcastically. “You try having no idea where anyone is, or who anyone is, or what they’re doing, then adding in a bunch of noise and see how long it takes you to want to get away, too.”

Shinn said nothing for a long moment, then he shrugged. “Sorry, Luna. You’re right. I...wasn’t being fair.”

“Don’t apologise to me, apologise to Lacus.”

“That is not necessary—!”

“She’s right,” Shinn interjected. “Lacus, I’m sorry I said those things. I was being unfair.”

Lacus paused, seemingly surprised for a moment, and then she smiled warmly. “Thank you, Mister Asuka.” 

_Thunk._

“Ow—dammit!”

They all turned to the door at the muffled sounds coming from the deck. Kira stumbled back, keeping his balance, albeit clumsily. He bent over, rubbing at his shin with one hand. His expression was twisted into a look of pain and frustration. 

Lacus moved first, tugging the door open and hurrying to his side. 

“We should go, Shinn,” Lunamaria said, catching his arm and giving it a light tug. After only a moment of hesitation, he nodded, turning to follow her.


	10. Chapter 9

"Mind if I interrupt?"

At the familiar voice, Murrue glanced over, greeting Mu—she would always think of him as Mu, no matter what name he wanted to be called by. Her thoughts were her own to indulge—with a smile. "I don't know, Captain, that depends on the matter at hand."

Beside her, Talia chuckled softly. "Am I in the way?"

"Captain...?" Arthur asked, clearly waiting for an explanation from Talia.

Both women simply exchanged a smile, while Talia nodded briefly. "Go ahead. Arthur and I can find our way back. "Come on, Arthur, let’s see what snacks they have."

"That's all I need to hear." Murrue gasped softly as her wrist was caught in a gentle grasp, Mu tugging her in and wrapping an arm around her waist. "Shall we dance, Captain Ramius?" he asked with a coy smile.

"I should court marshal you for this behaviour," she retorted lightly as Arthur and Talia disappeared the corner.

"But you won't. In fact, Captain, if I may be so bold, I think you quite like it."

Leaning against his chest, she smiled softly. "Don't push your luck." _Mu_.

~

"You can't tell me you don't think she's at least a liiiiiittle cute, now can ya?"

Arnold leaned back when Murdock leaned in, the scent of alcohol strong on his breath. Frowning, the Archangel's pilot folded his arms. "Even if I did, I wouldn't tell y—"

"He does. He _definitely_ does! He's been staring at her all night."

_Thanks, Dalida_ , Arnold thought, rolling his eyes and sighing.

Arnold sighed as an arm was thrown over his shoulders, and Murdock's overpowering breath sent a cloud of nausea across his face. "Hahah! I knew it. Now why don't you go say hi, hm?"

Across the table, Jackie shoved a glass his way. "Have a drink and go do it. You won't get anywhere daydreaming."

Dropping his head to one palm, Arnold let out yet another sigh. He didn't bother protesting when Murdock snatched up his drink and quaffed it down.

~

"Don't look now, but that guy over there has been staring at you for like ten minutes straight, Abbey."

"I'm aware, Vino," his friend replied with a calm sip of her punch. "I'm not concerned."

"Then what do you think of him?" Yolan asked, leaning forward eagerly.

"Nothing. I never met him," she replied, shrugging.

Vino huffed, sitting back in his chair and folding his arms. "You're no fun, Abb. C'mon, you must at least _some_ opinion. Do you think he's cute? Oh! Do you want me to ask him to dance for you?" he asked eagerly, leaning towards his friend with an excited grin.

"He's not entirely unfortunate."

"So you do like him!"

"I never said that, Vino. Now please drop it.”

"Hey, isn't that Athrun?"

The other two turned to look at Yolan's words. Sure enough, a mop of blue hair had joined the group at the other table.

"I think that's the princess with him, too," Vino added after a moment. "We should go say hi."

"I agree. Let's go."

The two boys stood, looking over at Abbey. "I'm still not asking him to dance," she added, though she did get up. A small victory.

~

"Athrun!"

Turning at the voice calling his name, Athrun raised a hand in greeting as he saw a few friends from the Minerva's crew weaving through the crowd towards him.

"Heeeeey, now's your chance, Neumann!" Murdock all but yelled, unsubtly elbowing the pilot in the ribs. Confused, he exchanged a glance with Cagalli, before rising to meet his other friends.

"Vino, Yolan, Abbey, it's good to see you all again. I'm...glad you made it."

"'Course we did!" Vino said, grinning. "Wouldn't'a missed it. Now, who are all your friends?" Why he turned to wink at Abbey, Athrun had no idea.

"Oh, well you've met Cagalli. This is Murdock, the lead of the deck crew on the Archangel. Arnold Neumann is the pilot. Dalida, Jackie, and Romero are bridge crew.

"And everyone, Yolan and Vino here are deck crew from the Minerva, and Abbey here is—"

"CIC," the blonde cut in confidently. "I took over after Meyrin."

"I suppose that's everyone."

"Great!" Murdock all but slurred. "Now that we're all here, Neumann can ask the cutie out."

"Excuse me?" Abbey asked sharply. "I hardly—"

"Oh, come on, Abb, you admitted he was cute."

"I'm going to smack you, Vino," she growled softly.

"It's settled! Go dance, you two!"

"This is absurd. I'm going to find the Captain," Abbey said, stalking off.

Athrun simply watched Neumann sulk, feeling more confused than before.

~

"You don't know where Kira and Lacus are, do you Cagalli?"

Cagalli shrugged, a small frown on her lips as she turned to Athrun. "I haven't seen them in over an hour. Do you think we should go look for them?"

Athrun looked around the room they were in. Separated from the main party, the room had been lavishly furnished. Well-stuffed sofas and chairs were scattered throughout, all pointed roughly towards the front of the room, where a dais and podium waited. A projector hung from the ceiling, pointed towards a screen that remained rolled up at the moment. Around the walls of the room, tables laden with food awaited the attention of partygoers.

With the door closed, the sounds of the party were mostly shut away, though gradually people were trickling in. As they were speaking, the expansive double doors opened, admitting Miriallia and her friends, Shinn, Meyrin, Lunamaria, and a couple of people Cagalli recognised from the Minerva, but had no names for. A few others were scattered throughout the room already, quiet conversation adding a muted drone to the atmosphere.

The absence of Kira and Lacus was blatant, however. Their friends kept glancing towards the door, regardless of whether or not it was actually opening or not, and a few had even sent himself and Cagalli worried glances. It was well passed time they sought out the couple.

"Earth to Athrun, I asked if we should go look for them."

"Uh, yes, I think we should," he finally said. "Do you want to go, or should I?"

"You go," Cagalli said after only a moment's hesitation. "I'll stay and play hostess."

Nodding, Athrun bid her a quick farewell and slipped away. He had a pretty good idea where he would find them, so it was only a matter of heading there. A few turns down winding hallways, and then the glass doors leading to the balcony came into view. Sure enough, their figures were outside, silhouetted in the light of the moon.

Stopping just before the doors, he raised one hand and knocked. Kira's head snapped around, though only partway, while Lacus turned far more slowly. It was too dark to see either of them clearly, but he imagined she smiled when she saw that it was him. At her beckoning, he slid the door open.

"Hello, Athrun! It's nice of you to join us."

"How long have you been out here?" he asked, walking out onto the deck as he was speaking.

"Just a little while. Kira wished for some air."

A little while? They both knew she was pushing that particular truth, but he was not about to challenge it.

"How are you holding up, Kira?" he asked instead.

Kira, who had been notably quiet until now, sighed. "Maybe this was a bad idea. I'm not sure I can do this."

"Kira..." he said.

"Hear me out, Athrun. Shinn came out to talk to me, earlier. I couldn't...I refused to even hear him out. I didn't want anyone anywhere near me that I didn't know well. If I go back out there..."

What was he supposed to say to that? It was clear Kira and Lacus had already had this discussion, and if _she_ had failed...what could he say that would succeed?

...should he even be trying?

Shoving those doubts aside, he took a deep breath. "Do you remember when those two classmates of ours started bullying you into doing their homework for them?"

Kira looked confused for a second, his lips turned down in a small frown, but he nodded anyway. "That was right after winter break. Your family was gone for an extra week, and..."

"They moved in while I was gone. You were too soft-hearted, so instead of fighting or ratting them out, you just did it."

"That's right. After you came back you threatened to punch them both, shove them in a mud puddle, _and_ have your dad call their parents if they didn't stop."

"....well, I think I actually did the first two," Athrun admitted, sheepishly.

"That's right. They looked like drowned rats," Kira said, a small smile on his lips. "I was mad at you then, for being so violent, but now...it was sorta funny. And I am glad you were there for me."

"I always tried to be...and I will tonight, too. So let's go."  
“That wasn’t the point, Athrun. The point is, I’m not seven anymore. I need to be able to stand up for myself.”  
“Why?” They both turned to Lacus, surprised by her question. “Why must you do these things by yourself, Kira? You are a kind person, and I hope to never see that part of you fade. Being kind, helping others, it is no sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength. In the same way, needing to rely on others is not a sign of weakness, either. It is simply a different kind of strength. It is the strength to believe in those around you. That is a strength you have always had, Kira. So please, may we help you?”

Kira hesitated only a moment, before finally sighing, a slight sag in his shoulders. "If this...backfires..."

"It won't, Kira,” Athrun said firmly, “because you have me and Lacus on your side. Cagalli, too.”

"Fine. You win. Let's go."  
~  
While they were waiting, Cagalli put the finishing touches on the presentation, rolling down the screen and flicking on the projector. After a few seconds, the logo of Terminal, a bird in flight partially overlaying Earth, lit up the screen.   
A few of the more curious newcomers turned to study it, and Cagalli left them to it as she rooted around for the clicker. Once she’d retrieved it, she stood back up, turning back to those gathered in the room. Some looked about ready to ask questions, but the door opening drew her attention away. Cagalli breathed a sigh of relief when it was Athrun stepping through the doors, Kira and Lacus a half-step behind him. She did not know what he had said to Kira, and she was not about to stop and ask. Kira was here, and that was what mattered.

Athrun led the way through the hall, greeting a few people by name as they passed. He mounted the dais lightly, reaching out a hand to help Lacus up, which she gracefully accepted. Athrun then turned back to help Kira, but Cagalli was pleased to see that after only a moment of scoping out the height, Kira got himself up. That was her brother.  
Cagalli handed the remote to Lacus, before taking a half-step back, leaving the podium to Lacus. After a moment of fiddling with the remote, Lacus stepped up to the podium, scanning the gathered crowd with a smile.

"Hello everyone, thank you for taking the time to join us here today! It is wonderful to see you all!"

Lacus' words were greeted by a few friendly greetings, and one 'get on with it,' compliments of Yzak. Lacus took it all in stride, smiling warmly at those assembled.

"So, why the hell are we here?" a familiar voice demanded from the back. "I don't get why we were invited to this weird party in the first place, and now you drag us here to watch you play nice with your friends?"

"Shinn..." Cagalli muttered, throwing a glance Athrun's way. He sent her a reassuring smile, mouthing something that she did not quite catch.

"We brou—" Athrun's hand on her arm cut Cagalli off, and she sighed, quieting.

"Leave it to Lacus," he whispered.

"But—"

"I know, Cagalli, but this one is hers."

She relented. He was right, of course. What they were here to do...it was for Lacus to handle, first and foremost.

Lacus was regarding Shinn with a calm smile. "We are happy to have you, and the rest of the crew of the Minerva, here with us tonight as we celebrate an end to the war, and live for those lost in battle."

To Cagalli's immense surprise, Shinn did not argue further, he simply waited for Lacus to continue. Lacus, however, did not seem surprised as she carried on smoothly, "It is for that reason that we ourselves cannot be called innocent, for when the time came, we too picked up weapons, even as we called for peace.

"War must never again be allowed to plague this world.” As she was speaking, Lacus flicked through the prepared photos—images of war-torn nations, wounded civilians, destroyed mobile suits...debris from destroyed PLANTs. “We are all human, regardless of the circumstances of our birth, and that is why we of Terminal stand here today. We _mustn't_ let the world fall to war again. To that end, it is our responsibility to see to it that the tragedies of the past year are not repeated. I ask all of you to please help us stay on the path of peace." Gradually, the images changed, featuring the rebuilding efforts, many coming from right here in Orb. People of all birth types working together to regain what had been lost by both wars.

"Look, this is great and all...but what the hell is Terminal?" Shinn demanded.

Lacus smiled, flicking back to the first image. "We are an organisation dedicated to terminating war. Near the end of the first war, we were called the Three Ships Alliance. Nowadays, we prefer something with a little more power behind it."

"But why...?" Shinn ventured.

"We wish to invite you to join us, of course. We believe you are all good people, whose assistance would benefit our cause."

"Who decided that?" Shinn demanded, on his feet now. "Who says we want to betray our military?"

"I did," Kira said, stepping up. "When we decided to have this party, I asked Athrun to invite you. If we never branched out, we would not be where we are today. And nobody is asking anyone to abandon anything. We are people whose beliefs outweigh our willingness to follow orders, that is all. If your military follows your beliefs, then that is that; nobody will force you from that path. But when they chose to go to war, over something as benign as the circumstances of one’s birth, that was an evil I refused to accept. So, I fought to stop them."

"The chairman said something to me, once, at the start of the war." Talia's words drew Cagalli's, and indeed the room's, attention as everyone fell silent to allow her the opening to continue. "He said that he hoped the Minerva could serve the same role in this war as the Archangel did in the one before. Perhaps...there is hope yet for that ideal."

"Ultimately, that is for you to decide. We hope you at least consider."

"We shall. Thank you, Miss Clyne."

"Please, just Lacus is fine Captain Gladys."

"Then I insist you call me Talia."

To Cagalli's great relief, those few words heralded an extensive discussion on the matter. The Minerva's crew, those who had been gifted invitations, seemed amicable to the matter at worst, and genuinely interested at best.

And then there was Shinn. Athrun stepped aside to speak privately to him for a time, and following that he actually seemed more at ease with...everything. She was glad of that.

The party eventually wound down, the partygoers drifting off to their borrowed rooms for the night. Overall, Cagalli thought it had been quite the success. The Minerva’s crew had, for the most part, been more than amicable to their proposition, and that alone was pleasing.

Of course, there was still the matter of Kira. He was deteriorating. He had an appointment with a specialist the next afternoon, and she sincerely hoped it would help. Only time would tell, though...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fandom is pretty dead on this site, huh?


	11. Chapter 10

"It is a lovely day. Don’t you think so, Kira?"

 

Kira grunted in response; like he could tell. He couldn't even feel the sun from inside the car. Lacus was seated in the back with him, Cagalli and Athrun in the front, with the latter driving.

 

At his lack of response, Lacus reached over and squeezed his hand. "It's sunny out, and quite warm. I imagine it will be a green Christmas."

 

From somewhere in front of him, Cagalli chuckled. "It always is."

 

"What's the date, anyway?" Kira asked, quietly. Somewhere in the endless darkness he constantly lost track of time. The party had been the night before, and that was...

 

"The twenty-third of December," Lacus supplied cheerfully. "Are you excited for Christmas, Kira?"

 

"I haven't had much time to do any shopping," he replied after a moment. Dammit, but he was just not in the mood for this, couldn't they see that? At least they _could_ see!

 

"That's okay," Cagalli said, turning to face them if the shifting noises he heard were anything to go by, "I think just having this war over so quickly is a gift for us all."

 

That was true, he conceded. Too many would not be able to celebrate this year. Well over a million people had died in the past three months. Far, far too many. Yet here he was, sulking over his lost vision. Did he really have any business doing so, when he had such supportive friends and family here with him?

 

...he really did not.

 

"You're right, Cagalli. I'm...really glad you're all okay."

 

"We are. And so are you, Kira," Lacus said, squeezing his hand again. This time, he squeezed back.

 

"We're here," Athrun said, the car turning in time to the announcement. The car slowed to a stop a moment later, and then they were all bustling to get out.

 

With Lacus' assistance, he made it inside without any difficulties. Cagalli's voice rang out from somewhere in front of them, announcing who they were and what they were here for—clearly, she was speaking to the receptionist. While she took care of that, they all took up seats in the waiting room, Lacus sticking unnaturally close to his side.

 

The wait to be called in was long, but finally his name came, and he stood. Lacus made to take his hand, but he gently pulled away. He could do this much on his own.

 

"I'll be back soon," he assured, before heading in the direction the assistant's voice had come from. Carefully, he followed the sound of her heels on the hardwood floors, and they eventually stopped outside what he assumed was a door.

 

"In here."

 

He nodded, groping for the handle, then stepped inside.

 

~

 

"I hope Kira's okay in there," Athrun ventured at last. They had all come for moral support, but then he had just...left them all out here. The specialist would hopefully be able to help Kira grow to be more functional—there was no fixing his sight, that was a given—and he deserved to have a friend in there with him. Instead, he had refused even Lacus' support.

 

"I am certain he is," Lacus supplied, looking over to smile at him. "Kira is much stronger than he lets on."

 

Athrun knew that, of course, but it was his nature to worry.

 

It was over an hour before Kira re-emerged. He walked steadily, a cane clenched tightly in his left hand. The three of them were on him in an instant.

 

"What did the doctor say, Kira?" Lacus asked first.

 

"She wants me to start out with a cane," he replied, holding it up, “but she offered to let me try out some more advanced equipment once I'm...more adapted. I have to come back for some therapy, too, to help with my co-ordination. She also suggested I learn Braille."

 

Interesting. Printed books were not terribly common any longer, but the learning itself would be a nice challenge for Kira. One he desperately needed.

 

"I believe I may have something," Lacus said after a moment. "I have always been a collector of books."

 

They left the clinic in higher spirits than they had entered with. Kira seemed to be making a conscious effort to come back from his recent slump, and Athrun, and indeed all of them, were grateful for that. At least, for the first time, it really felt like they were taking a step forward. 

~

 

"Athrun?" Kira asked softly. 

"Hmm?"

"I can't sleep."

The sound of shifting, and then Athrun's voice again, a little more clear, a little less groggy. "Dream?"

"...yeah, but—it wasn't a bad one," Kira admitted. "Not really, anyway."

"Hm?"

"My parents."

"What...about?" He still sounded pretty groggy. 

"Not—not them," Kira said, immediately realising who Athrun was thinking of. "Just...well, the Hibikis."

This time when Athrun spoke, after the lengthy pause, he sounded significantly less asleep. "...what about, Kira?"

"...I don't really remember," he admitted. "Just...they were there. I remember...Via's—my mother's—face. But I don't know anything about her."

This time, Athrun's response was faster to come. "She's your mom's sister. Why not ask her?"

"I always meant to," Kira said quietly. "I just kept telling myself I would someday; I'd do it later."

"...why didn't you?"

"If I know her...I have to mourn her. As it is, it's easier to look at her, and Ulen, as unknowns." Kira sighed sadly. This was hard. "I don't have to face being lied to my entire life, either. I don't have to ask them why."

"Kira, you know why. They wanted to protect you. Both of you."

Maybe he did, but it didn't make it much easier to bear. He shrugged wordlessly in response. 

After a pregnant pause, Athrun ventured, "Kira?"

"I need to talk to them, don't I?"

"You should," Athrun said. 

Taking a deep breath, Kira nodded and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He was moving to stand when Athrun's voice cut him off. "Kira, it's three-fourteen on the morning."

Of course it was. He had no way to tell time anymore. With a sigh, he sat back down. "Right, sorry." 

"...Kira," Athrun said softly. 

"It's fine, Athrun. I didn't realise it was so late." Now, what he would do until a more...acceptable hour, Kira had no idea, but he knew he should let the others sleep. He'd taken a nap that afternoon, after his appointment with the specialist, and now his brain would not turn off on top of that. 

"...do you want me to get your mom?" 

"It's the middle of the night, Athrun. Let her sleep."

Athrun let out a soft sigh, then, "Okay, Kira. Did you want to go for a walk, or anything?"

"No, Athrun, it's okay. Sorry for waking you up."

"You don't have to apologise, Kira. If you need anything—"

He shook his head. "No, Athrun. I think right now, I just need to try and sleep more."

"Okay, Kira," Athrun said softly. "I think...that's a good idea. But if you need anything, don't hesitate to—“

"Right. Thanks, Athrun," Kira said. "You get some sleep too."

There was more shuffling, then silence, broken only by the short breaths of Athrun. Before long, even those evened out, lengthening as he slipped off to sleep. Once Kira was certain Athrun was fully asleep, he rose. 

Years of battle had made Athrun, and indeed Kira himself, into a very light sleeper. With that in mind, he was extraordinarily cautious in getting out of bed and collecting his cane. He knew the room incredibly well by now, so slipping from the room without a sound was easy enough. 

...it was only after that that things got trickier. 

Without Athrun to worry about, he was able to use his cane, gripping it in his off-hand as he tapped lightly along the floor. Thankfully, the route to his parents' room wasn't too complicated. With care, he was able to navigate the hallways with little complication, even making it past the kids' rooms without disrupting them. Around where he knew Andrew's room to be, he heard footsteps and the sound of a door opening, then closing. He paused only for a moment, before carrying on. 

Soldiers were light sleepers and suspicious creatures by nature. Even former ones. 

The rest of the walk went without a hitch, and before long he was rapping softly on the door to his parents' room. Nothing. Taking a deep breath, he held it while he rapped a little harder, listening. This time, shifting, then his father's voice, "Who's there?"

Groping for the knob, he opened the door a sliver. "Dad? Can I...talk to mom?" he asked softly.

More movement, rustling blankets, then the door was pulled open wider. "Kira? What is it, sweetheart?"

"...can we talk?" he asked softly, feeling a pang of guilt at the sleepiness in her tone. 

"Of course, sweetie. Come on in."

Kira shook his head, even as the door slipped open wider. "I don't want to disturb anyone. Can we...?"

"Of course. Lead the way."

He felt a wave of gratitude at her words. Wordlessly, he did as asked, leading them to the sitting room where he often spent time with his friends. He heard the door swing shut behind them as he moved to the love seat that he often shared with Lacus. Caridad joined him a moment later. 

Her presence was soothing, the scent of her shampoo pleasant and familiar. When her arm landed across his shoulders, he wasted no time in leaning into his mother, letting her sheer presence relax him. 

"What is it you wanted to talk about?" Caridad ventured eventually.

Kira took a deep breath, letting it out slowly in an effort to relax. "Can you...tell me about my mother?"

He felt Caridad shift beside him, her hand stroking his good arm gently. "Of course, Kira. What did you want to know?"

He hesitated, then shrugged. "Anything? What...what was she like?"

"Via was...a lot like you, Kira," his mother said, a note of sadness in her tone. Her hand came up and gently stroked his cheek. "You look just like her, but it's more than that. I see so much of her in you."

The strain in his mother's voice was clear. Reaching up, Kira cupped his own hand over hers. He wished he could meet her gaze. "Mom..."

"She was a kind person, but stubborn and a bit opinionated. She loved children, and was so happy about you and Cagalli. She loved you both so much. I have no doubt you would both have loved her very much."

"But...what about...?" Kira asked hesitantly.

"...the experiments?" Kira nodded. "Not her idea. It...created a lot of strife between her and Ulen, and if not for her own research, and the fact that it would have taken her away from you, she would have left him over it. She stayed, though. For you, Kira. For both of you."

"What was she researching?" he asked softly, trying not to dwell too long on the things his mom was saying.

"Both Via and Ulen were accomplished geneticists. Via in particular put most of her focus into inheritable diseases. Her goal wasn't to create the perfect co-ordinator—that was all Ulen. She just wanted to eliminate sickness. And for that she was..." She cut off with a soft sob.

Clearly, this was still a raw wound for Caridad. Wordlessly, Kira moved in closer, offering silent comfort. After a moment, he felt her other arm wrap around him, pulling him into a full hug. He was more than happy to oblige her. 

"She would be...so proud of you, Kira. Both of you."

"...mom, why did you guys split us up?" he asked carefully. 

She responded without hesitation, "To protect you both. It was far less likely that Blue Cosmos would identify you if you were apart than if you were together, so we made arrangements with Lord Izumi to take one of you. We knew he would raise Cagalli with all the love she deserved."

"It was...because of me, right?" he asked. Le Crueset had said something similar, once. "Because they wanted to kill me."

"...yes, I suppose if you break it down, that's largely the truth," Caridad admitted. "They did want to kill you—but that's not your fault, Kira."

"I know. Evil deeds should be blamed on those who commit them." He took a deep breath. "What I wanted to ask was...why did you take me? If Blue Cosmos wanted me, wouldn't sending me away from the family have been safer?"

This time, she hesitated. "I guess there are a few reasons. The main ones would be, because you're a co-ordinator, it's easier to pass you off as being our biological son than it would have been to pass off Cagalli as ours. We could just say we got you modified and nobody would question it."

Kira nodded slowly. He supposed that made sense. It was a disappointingly reasonable answer, but he could not place his finger on why, exactly, it was disappointing.

"But...even more than that, I think...Via once said to me that she felt like she had failed you. Asking me to raise you, if anything ever happened to them, was, I think, her way of apologising to you. My sister loved you, Kira; loved you both. Never doubt that."

"...I understand," he said softly. What else could he say? "Can you...tell me more about her?"

For the next few hours, Kira listened to his mother tell stories from the past, painting the picture of a woman whose existence Kira had once barely acknowledged. He found that, for the first time, he could truly mourn her passing.

He didn't think that was a bad thing.

~

It was well passed daybreak when Athrun finally found Kira. The scene of his best friend, sound asleep and leaning against his sleeping mother's side, brought a small smile to his face. 

~

When her aunt called her, Cagalli could not say what, exactly she was expecting—something bad, undoubtedly. Kira had relapsed, fallen and hurt himself, broken another bone—anything but what she actually got. 

“Uh, yes, okay Auntie. Right. I’ll be there. Right. Okay. Love you too. Bye.”

She hung up the phone with a soft sigh. Glancing at her aide, she shrugged. “Looks like I’m going to dinner with my family tonight. Please cancel all of my appointments for the rest of the day.”

The young man nodded, racing off to do as told. With that taken care of, Cagalli rose from her desk chair and headed back to her chambers. It was time to find something to wear. For someone of her rank, Cagalli had to put entirely too much effort into her appearance whenever she went out in public. Tonight would be no exception.

With some help, she managed to make it to the restaurant on time. Her aunt and uncle waved to her from the table as she entered, Kira turning slightly towards the door at the sound of their calls. She grinned back and strode over.

Caridad had chosen a cosy family restaurant. It wasn’t as fancy as Cagalli had gotten used to, but the smells coming from the kitchen were wonderful, and her stomach rumbled as she slid into the wooden booth alongside her brother. 

“So, what’s this about?” she asked. “Not that I’m complaining, it was just..” Surprising. 

“I thought we should go out, as a family. We don’t spend enough time together,” Caridad said.

“It’s my fault,” Kira admitted. “I’m the one who brought up our mother—”

“Perhaps, Kira, but that was just a conversation that was long overdue,” Caridad said. “In truth, I should have brought it up sooner.”

“Caridad...”

“No, it’s okay,” she said, smiling. I’m happy to share my sister with her two beautiful children.” With a smile, Caridad slid a photograph across the table to Cagalli, who took it.

“Is this...you two?” she asked, gazing down at the smiling faces of two teenagers. 

“Yes, Cagalli.”

“She looks like you, Kira,” Cagalli said softly. It was not the first picture of Via that Cagalli had ever seen, but it was the first picture of Via when she was young, standing next to a smiling, and equally-young, Caridad. Via wore the robes of a university graduation and clutched a diploma in one hand. Her other was slung over Caridad’s shoulders. She really did look so much like Kira...

“She graduated early,” Caridad said, smiling fondly. “She was only seventeen when she got her first diploma, not much younger than you two are now.”

“Cagalli? What’s...?”

Oh, sorry Kira. It’s a picture of Aunt Caridad and...and our mother. She’s holding a diploma and they’re both smiling. They look really happy.”

“We were,” Caridad said. “I wish you two could have known her.”

“So do I,” Cagalli said, surprising even herself. “She looks...”

“Kind,” Kira supplied. “That’s what I always thought, when I looked at the picture of us.”

“Yeah,” Cagalli agreed, “kind.” That was a good word. 

They spent the rest of the meal chatting about Via and, to a lesser extent, Ulen. If the entire situation felt a little surreal to Cagalli, it was not hard to see the positive effect it was having on Kira. Her brother looked...relaxed. Happy, even. Caridad brought out more pictures to show her, and she shared them with Kira by describing them as best as she could. His reactions were generally positive, and before long, she found herself drawn wholly into the storytelling, too. 

She had never known Via Hibiki...but, Cagalli thought, she could love her anyway. She would never regret being raised by her father, of course, but that did not mean she could not feel sadness for the woman who birthed her, either. 

Cagalli went home that night feeling somehow...lighter than she had in months. It was a nice feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear AO3,
> 
> Will I ever be able to just upload a chapter. 
> 
> Thank
> 
> Comments are my bread and butter, guys. Really. (That's about all I can afford lmao)


	12. Chapter 11

The remainder of the year passed quickly. Christmas was a sombre affair, the whole country seeming disinterested in celebrating much. Lacus could hardly blame them. The memory of the war was too fresh, the city itself still rebuilding, and the entire thing lent an air of sadness to the city. 

Christmas aside, the New Year also lacked celebration. Too many families were broken, scarred, and fractured for there to be much excitement about the future. Their own household was no exception.

While Cagalli had long since gone home, duty calling for her to return, the rest of them remained at Captain Ramius' mansion while their own home was rebuilt. Kira's father had taken a break from his travelling, wanting to be nearer his son, and even Athrun had yet to return to his own home. Nobody really wanted to leave Kira.

Lacus knew that that fact was not lost to Kira, and while she was grateful for the help, she did have to wonder if it would not be better simply to return to their lives and let him return to his. Part of the issue was that there was entirely too much that she didn't know. Was Athrun's presence more helpful, or more hindering? Sometimes, the latter seemed true, but right now...she really wanted to believe in the former. Athrun had known him longest, after all. 

Ever since the visit to the specialist, Kira had been...sedentary was the best word for it. He disliked going out, and in fact moving around much at all. Lacus was pretty sure some part of him hated the idea of using any sort of walking aid, so to avoid it, he just...did nothing. 

To make matter worse, her agent had called. Apparently, they thought it was a good idea for her to go on tour for the new year. It was not something she did very often, especially not since the end of the first war, but right now, with tensions still so high, a peacekeeping tour would be nothing but beneficial to their efforts. The problem was, she agreed with them. 

"Lacus?" Athrun's voice carried softly through the door. 

Straightening from where she was slumped on the sofa in the small sitting room, she called back, "Come in, Athrun!"

"Where's Kira?" Athrun asked, sitting down across from her. Of course that would be the first question. "Is he...?"

"Yes," she said. He barely left the balcony these past few days, except to eat and sleep. 

"...how is he? How are you?" 

"I am well," she said. "Better than Kira, at the very least."

"And...have you decided yet?"

Lacus hesitated. She had confided in Athrun and Cagalli about the tour request, but they still hadn't told Kira. "I...do not think I can leave him," she finally said. She hated to say it, she wanted to go, but Kira was important, too. 

Athrun sighed, then nodded slowly. "I think the tour is a good idea," he said slowly, "but I agree that Kira's just not ready for you to leave."

Lacus smiled sadly. "Yes."

"Lacus?" he asked softly. At her look, he continued, "How do you think he's doing? Really?"

That was not a question even she really wanted to face. Avoiding it would get them nowhere, though, so she met his eyes and said, "Not well."

Athrun's lips quirked down, and he shrugged. "No sense hiding it, is there?"

"I do not believe lying will benefit anyone," she said softly in agreement. 

"What happened? He was doing so well after we saw the specialist."

"I spoke to his doctor," she said. "She warned me that there would be a lot of ups and downs, especially given the nature of his vision loss. The best thing we can do is be there for him, and support his recovery at his own pace."

"I get that, Lacus, but...he doesn't seem to be healing."

She pondered his words, words that had been on her mind, also, for a long while. Finally, she said, "Perhaps he should speak to a psychologist." It had been on her mind a lot lately, but the very idea of suggesting it to Kira made her wary. She did not think he would take it well. 

"I'm not sure he'd agree," Athrun said, voicing her concerns. 

"Perhaps that is for us to work on, then," Lacus said softly. 

Athrun nodded slowly. "You're right."

How they were going to do that, she had no idea. 

~

On the other side of the door, Kira released the handle and turned away.

~

Lacus and Athrun talked for a while longer, then joined forces to wrangle the hungry children for lunch. Reverend Malchio and Caridad laid out the meal, while they got dirty hands washed and everyone seated at the long table. 

"Has anyone seen Kira?" Lacus asked, glancing at the empty spot beside her. 

When she was greeted by shrugs and head shaking, she smiled sadly and stood up. He usually at least came to meals, even if he didn't eat much. "I shall go find him. Please, do not wait for us."

Athrun half-rose, as though to follow, but she shook her head. She would let him know if she needed him after she found Kira.

In the end, finding him did not prove difficult. While he was not on the balcony, a surprise in and of itself, heading out there did lead her to him. The balcony had a fantastic view of the beach, and that was precisely where Kira was.

It was bit of a walk down there, but it was not hard to spot Kira when she made it to the beach. He was standing at the edge of the surf, just above the wave line. For an instant, she felt a flash of concern that he was going to walk straight into the water, but she stopped herself from rushing forward and instead made herself _look_.

He was standing perfectly at the edge of the wet sand, not moving a muscle as the waves licked at the very toe of his shoes. A particularly large wave came in, heralding the incoming tide, and he stepped back, just out of range. As the water flowed out, he stepped forward, following it, only to step back as the next wave came, again avoiding wet shoes by mere centimetres. She watched this for several minutes, feeling a wave of pride for his ability to navigate even without his sight.

Eventually, she resumed walking, taking care to make noise so that he noticed her. The moment he did, it was obvious, his form tensing and head snapping towards her. Before he panicked, she smiled, letting it leak into her voice.

"Hello, Kira."

He relaxed instantly, smiling to greet her. "Lacus." Stepping farther from the water, he used his cane to navigate towards her, meeting her partway. With one hand, he reached out, and she guided it to her face without being asked. 

"Supper is ready," she said, after several long moments of allowing him to trace her features. "Did you not realise the time?"

He was silent for a long moment before he dropped his hand away, sighing. "I did, I just...needed to think." He seemed to do that a lot, lately. "Sorry if I worried you."

Hooking her arm through his, Lacus stayed silent, letting him decide where to direct the conversation. It was something she was good at. 

Listening.

"Lacus, am I...a burden on you?" he finally asked, voice barely audible over the rolling surf. 

"Kira... Of course you could never be a burden—"

"Don't—just, please. Tell me the truth."

She hesitated, thinking, then gave his arm a squeeze. "No, Kira. We have a difficult path to walk, but you are not a burden."

His smile was weak, but genuine. 

"Will you show me how you were doing that?" she asked on a whim. At the small, confused frown he sent her, she elaborated, "With the surf. Walking up to it, without getting wet."

For a moment, she thought he was going to tell her she was crazy, but then he smiled. "Sure. Close your eyes and come with me."

It was a strange feeling, walking at his side knowing neither of them could see a thing, but she trusted him to guide her, so she never once peaked. Before long, he stopped them, and she could hear the water roiling just a short distance away. 

"Follow my lead," he said, "and listen."

She did as instructed, focussing on her ears to tell her when the water was approaching. The first few times, he had to tug her away, but eventually, she started to get the hang of it, and began reacting almost as well as he did—though not quite. It was still only his responses that kept their feet from getting soaked. It was strange, but also...liberating. She knew she could open her eyes at any moment and just look, but she chose not to, instead allowing herself this brief immersion into his world.

They stayed like that for over an hour, moving further and further up the beach as the tide came in, until the sun began to set, and a concerned Athrun came and sought them out. 

And, Lacus thought, she learned something that day.

~

"Athrun?" At the soft sound of Kira's voice, Athrun blinked the sleep out of his eyes and sat partway up. The room was almost pitch black, but he could just make out the shape of Kira, laying on his own bed across the room. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah, yeah, I am." Mostly. He had just been dropping off, but now he was up. "Everything okay?" Kira didn't usually wake him up—this early, anyway.

"Am I hurting Lacus?"

That was not what Athrun had been expecting, at all. For a moment, all he could do was stare into the darkness, mouth slightly agape as he sought words. "...what on earth, Kira?"

"I don't want her to be the reason she misses her tour."

It seemed to be a night of Kira blindsiding him, because once again, Athrun found himself speechless. He thought they had all agreed not to tell Kira about it at all, so how...? Or, rather, who? Had Lacus broken down? Cagalli? If they had, it was...well, that was their business. Or, it was Lacus', but Cagalli could have quite the big mouth on her.

"I overheard you two earlier." Oh. "You didn't even...tell me."

Athrun took a deep, steadying breath. Words. He needed words. It was too bad he was so damn bad at them.

"Uh, I, well..." Words, Athrun! Words! "Kira, I'm sorry. Lacus thought it would be better to stay home for now."

"For me." It wasn't a question.

"Kira..."

"She should go. I...I don't want to hold her back, Athrun. Your lives shouldn't be put on hold because of me."

"Kira," he said, more firmly this time. "Nobody's life is on hold. We could all use this break." It didn't feel like a lie. "Lacus too. She worked as hard as anyone."

"The war isn't over yet, Athrun. Not completely. It's our job to see to it that hostilities disappear, not just get covered up. That's the point of the tour, right?"

Damn Kira and his big brain. Of course he'd see through that. "...yes, Kira. It is."

"So she needs to go—she must want to go. It's important, Athrun."

It was sort of hard to argue with him when he was blatantly right—as usual. Instead of trying to find words, Athrun slid out of bed and made his way over to Kira's—though not without stubbing his toe on some unidentified object. At his quiet yelp, Kira sat upright.

"Athrun? What—?"

"Just...stubbed my toe," he muttered. "Can't see a thing."

"I wonder what that's like."

Athrun hesitated. Was that a joke? He honestly couldn't always tell anymore, and the wrong answer could be disastrous. Unable to decide, he stayed silent and strode the rest of the way over, sitting on the edge of his bed. 

"I don't want her to go, Athrun," Kira said softly, "but I know she needs to."

"She doesn't want to leave you either, Kira. It's not that important. I'm sure you guys can work something else out instead."

"But it is, Athrun. We both know that."

Reaching over, Athrun rested a hand on Kira's shoulder. "You don't always have to sacrifice for everyone else, Kira. You can be selfish sometimes."

Kira's breath hitched at his words, and Kira groped around with his good arm, locating Athrun's side before leaning into him. "No, Athrun, some things _are_ just too important. I-I have to tell her to go. Please, help me convince her."

"Kira..."

"Athrun, please."

"Okay—okay, Kira. We can discuss this more in the morning, okay? I promise." But right now, they both needed rest. Patting Kira's thigh, he moved to stand.

"Athrun? I...I think it's going to be a bad night." That admission spoke painfully of what had to be going on in his mind. While Athrun himself often suffered from nightmares brought about by years of soldiering, he couldn’t even imagine what went on in the mind of his pacifist best friend.

"Do you want me to stay?"

Kira didn't say anything, just laid back down. Taking the hint, Athrun stole a pillow and used it to prop himself up against the headboard. Closing his eyes, he was just dropping off, again, when Kira's voice once again cut through the silence. "This reminds me of your seventh birthday."

Athrun took a long moment to consider the event, eventually bringing up the incident in question. "You stole that horror movie out of your dad's collection, and smuggled it over to my place."

"Where we watched it in the middle of the night."

"And then you were terrified and spent the night in my sleeping bag clinging to me," Athrun finished, chuckling. "I'm still pretty sure you didn't even sleep an hour."

"Your mom came in and found us. I'm pretty sure she knew exactly what had happened."

"We're lucky she never told either of our fathers."

Kira snorted a laugh. "Yeah, might have made it harder to do the next time."

"Why did we keep doing that?" Athrun mused aloud. "You hated horror movies."

"I think we just thought it was cool. Kids are dumb."

Athrun shrugged, despite Kira not being able to see him. "Probably."

"Athrun?"

"Hm?"

"Thanks. For...you know."

"Yeah. Good night, Kira."

"Night, Athrun."

~

If only it were that simple, but it never was. Athrun had no idea how much later it was when he was jostled awake by Kira's thrashing. Immediately aware of what it was that had awakened him, he took a deep breath and carefully shifted over. It was dangerous to wake Kira by touching him, but talking to him was usually okay. 

Before he could do anything, Kira lashed out violently, swinging his right arm. With a cry of pain, he bolted upright, grabbing the cast with his good hand. "Athrun? Athrun!"

"I'm here, Kira," he said carefully. He had long since learned that sudden sounds and movements were dangerous, so he took care to speak quietly. 

"Where? Athrun, I can't—"

He placed a hand next to Kira, making a point of disturbing the bed so Kira could feel it. A moment later, Kira's good hand grabbed his arm. With that hurdle crossed, Athrun slid further down the bed and carefully pulled Kira into a hug. Thankfully, there was no resistance. 

"It's really you, right? I'm not...dreaming? I don't want to fight you anymore, Athrun. Please, I don't want to fight you. Athrun, I can't see you."

"I'm here; it's me. We aren't fighting anymore," he assured. "We won't ever fight again." Because they'd both found their answer at last. 

Kira let out a shuddering breath. "I'm sorry, Athrun. I never wanted to fight you."

"Same goes for me," Athrun said softly. "But it's in the past. We've moved on."

Kira nodded against his shoulder, but stayed silent. Athrun was dropping off to sleep, again, when Kira spoke. 

"Athrun? I...I think I might go for a walk. I don't think I can sleep."

Bleary eyed, Athrun sat up slowly. "Okay, yeah. Let's go." He knew Kira's sleep schedule was off, ever since he lost his eyesight, and he tried to be patient with him. His circadian rhythm couldn't regulate itself very well with him completely missing his eyes. Not his fault.

"You can stay and sleep, Athrun."

"I'd rather go with you." That, at least, was true. 

Kira didn't argue, and together they got up, pulled on sweaters, and headed outside.

The beach was different at night, Athrun noted. Colder, and with the tide running high, they were forced to walk at the tide line, dried seaweed and driftwood crunching under their feet. They made slow progress, Kira carefully feeling his way with his cane, clenched tightly in his left hand, and Athrun squinting at shapes in the dark. 

The wind blowing in ruffled their hair and pierced their jackets, prompting Athrun to pull his closer to him. To the right, waves crashed against the shore, and the very air stank of salt. 

"I'm sorry, Athrun. I should have been there for you more."

It took Athrun a moment to catch up to Kira's line of thought. The war, he must mean the war—and the personal war Athrun had waged with himself over what to do. He began shaking his head, before catching himself.

"Don't, Kira, it—none of that was your fault."

"...you asked me for my help, before the war happened. I should have tried to help you more. If I had been there half as much for you as you are for me..."

"Then this whole war could have turned out differently. As it is, we're all here, and the world is again on its way to peace. We can be grateful for that, if nothing else."

Kira sighed. "I...I know. I just don't want to be a burden on you anymore."

"Kira..." They'd been over this.

"Because I know Lacus needs to go," Kira continued, ignoring Athrun, "but...I don't want her to. If she does..."

"Kira, she doesn't have to go," he said quietly, "and there's nothing wrong with not being ready to be without her. But, if you do tell her to go, I'll be here for you, Kira. Like always."

Kira was silent for a long while after that, as they continued to walk along the beach. It was approaching daybreak already, but Athrun had no intention of pushing Kira. They would take this at his pace.

"Athrun."

"Hm?"

"I think I need to see a therapist."

Taking a deep breath, Athrun glanced at the water, where the first hint of sunrise was just peaking up over the waves. "I...think that would be a good idea, Kira." Closing his eyes, he bowed his head. "I think that's a really good idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really heartwarming to write. Kira needs his friends. 
> 
> Just wanna say a huge thank you to those of you who've taken the time to comment. It really means a lot to me.


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